The Science of Discworld II

said, ‘Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed how many huge cathedrals they’ve been building on this continent? Big, big buildings full of wonderful craftsmanship? And those painters we talked to have been very keen on religious paintings …’
    â€˜And your point is …?’ said Ridcully.
    â€˜It’s just that this has been happening at the same time as people have been really taking an interest in how the world works. They’re asking more questions. How? and Why? and questions like that,’ said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. ‘They’re acting like Phocian but without going mad. Rincewind seems to be suggesting that we’re killing off the gods of this place.’
    The wizards looked at him.
    â€˜Er,’ he went on, ‘if you think a god is huge and powerful and everywhere, then it’s natural to be god-fearing. But if someone comes along and paints that god as a big bearded chap in the sky, it’s not going to be long before people say, don’t be silly, there can’t be a big bearded man on a cloud somewhere, let’s go and invent Logic’
    â€˜Can’t there be gods here?’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. ‘We’ve got a mountaintop full of ’em at home.’
    â€˜We’ve never detected deitygen in this universe,’ said Ponder thoughtfully.
    â€˜But it’s said to be generated by intelligent creatures, just like cows generate marsh gas,’ said Ridcully.
    â€˜In a universe based on magic, certainly,’ said Ponder. ‘This one is just based on bent space.’
    â€˜Well, there’s been lots of wars, lots of deaths and I’d bet there’s lots of believers,’ said the Chair of Indefinite Studies, now lookingextremely uncomfortable. ‘When thousands die for a god, you get a god. If someone is prepared to die for a god, you get a god.’
    â€˜At home, yes. But does that work here?’ said Ponder.
    The wizards sat in silence for a while.
    â€˜Are we going to get into any sort of religious trouble for this?’ said the Dean.
    â€˜None of us has been struck by lightning yet,’ said Ridcully.
    â€˜True, true. I just wish there was a less, er, permanent test,’ said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. ‘Er … the dominant religion on this continent seems to be a family concern, somewhat similar to Old Omnianism.’
    â€˜Big on smiting?’
    â€˜Not lately. It’s gone very quiet vis-à-vis heavenly fire, widespread flooding and transmutation into food additives,’ said the Chair.
    â€˜Don’t tell me,’ said Ridcully. ‘A public appearance, some simple moral precepts, and then apparent silence? Apart, that is, for millions of people arguing what “Do not steal” and “Don’t Commit Murder” actually mean?’
    â€˜That’s right.’
    â€˜ Just like Omnianism, then,’ said the Archchancellor glumly. ‘Noisy religion, silent god. We must tread carefully, gentlemen.’
    â€˜But I did point out that there is no perceptible trace whatsoever of any deities of any kind anywhere in this universe!’ said Ponder.
    â€˜Yes, very puzzling,’ said Ridcully. ‘Nevertheless, we have no magical powers here and it pays to be careful.’
    Ponder opened his mouth. He wanted to say: We know everything about this place! We’ve watched it happen! It’s all balls, spinning in curves. It’s matter bending space and space moving matter. Everything here is the result of a few simple rules! That’s all! It’s all just a matter of rules! It’s all … logical.
    He wanted it to be logical. Discworld wasn’t logical. Some things happened on the whim of gods, some things happened because it was a good idea at the time, some things happened out of sheer randomness. But there was no logic – at least, no logic that Ponder approved of. He’d gone to the little town called Athens that Rincewind had talked about, in a sheet borrowed from Doctor Dee, and listened to men notentirely unlike the philosophers of Ephebe talking about logic, and it had made him want to burst into tears. They didn’t have to live in a place where things changed on a whim.
    Everything ticked and tocked and turned for them like a great big machine. There were rules. Things stayed the same. The same reliable stars came up every night. Planets didn’t disappear because