The Science of Discworld II

wasn’t much of an opening, it was a story without a plot and it barely amounted to a belief, but Hex had to make do with what could be found.
    Now the wizards were considering the future, or futures.
    â€˜ Nothing changes?’ said the Dean.
    â€˜No, sir,’ said Ponder, for the fourth time. ‘And, yes, this is indeed the same time as the city we were in. But things are different.’
    â€˜The city was almost modern!’
    â€˜Yes, it had heads on spikes,’ said Rincewind.
    â€˜It was a bit backward, admittedly,’ said Ridcully. ‘And the beer was foul. But it had possibilities.’
    â€˜But I don’t understand! We stopped the elves,’ said the Dean.
    â€˜And now we’ve got thousands and thousands of years of this,’ said Ponder. ‘That’s what Hex says. These people won’t even have learned how to make fire before the big rock hits. Rincewind is right. They’re not exactly stupid, they just don’t … progress. Remember the crabcivilisation we found?’
    â€˜But they had wars and took prisoners and slaves!’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
    â€˜Yes. Progress,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜Heads on spikes,’ said Rincewind.
    â€˜Do stop going on about that, it was only two heads,’ snapped Ponder.
    â€˜Perhaps we did something else that changed history,’ said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. ‘Maybe we trod on the wrong insect or something? Only a thought,’ he added, when they glared at him.
    â€˜We just saw off the elves, that’s all we did,’ said Ridcully. ‘Elves cause exactly the sort of things we’ve seen here. Superstition and—’
    â€˜The Ugs aren’t superstitious,’ said Rincewind.
    â€˜They didn’t like it when I struck that match!’
    â€˜They didn’t start worshipping you, either. They just don’t like things that happen too quickly. But I told you, they don’t draw pictures, they don’t use body paint, they don’t make things … I asked Ug about the sky and the moon, and as far as I can tell they don’t think about them. They’re just things in the sky.’
    â€˜Oh, come now,’ said Ridcully, ‘ everyone tells stories about the moon.’
    â€˜They don’t. They don’t have any stories at all,’ said Rincewind.
    There was silence as this sank in.
    â€˜Oh dear,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜No narrativium,’ said the Dean. ‘Remember? That’s what this universe lacks. We never found a trace of it. Nothing knows what it’s supposed to be.’
    â€˜There must be something like it, surely?’ said Ridcully. ‘The place looks normal, after all. Seeds grow up into trees and grass, by the look of it. Clouds know they have to stay up in the sky.’
    â€˜If you remember, sir,’ said Ponder, using the tone that meant I know you’ve forgotten, sir , ‘we found that this universe has things that work instead of narrativium.’
    â€˜Then why are these people just sittin’ about?’
    â€˜Because that’s all they have to do!’ said Rincewind. ‘There doesn’t seem to be much around that can hurt them, there’s enough food, thesun is shining … it’s all gravy! They’re like … lions. Lions don’t need stories. Eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired. That’s all they need to know. What else do they need?’
    â€˜But it must get cold in the winter, surely?’
    â€˜So? It gets warmer in the spring! It’s just like the moon and the stars! Things happen!’
    â€˜And they’ve been like this for hundreds of thousands of years,’ said Ponder.
    There was some more silence.
    â€˜Remember those stupid big lizards?’ said the Dean. ‘They lasted for more than a hundred million years, I remember. I suppose they were quite successful, in their way.’
    â€˜Successful?’ said Ridcully.
    â€˜I mean they lasted a long time.’
    â€˜Really? And did they build a single university?’
    â€˜Well, no—’
    â€˜Did they draw a single picture? Invent writing? Offer even small classes of elementary tuition?’
    â€˜Not that I know—’
    â€˜And they all got killed off by a yet another big rock,’ said Ridcully. ‘They really did not know what hit them. Bein’ around for millions of years is not an achievement. Even