This Girl: A Novel

tonight.
    I take a step away from the microphone to gather my thoughts. Should I do it anyway? If I do it, she’ll know exactly how I feel about her. That could be good. Maybe if I go ahead and do it I could gauge her reaction and know if asking her to wait for me is the right thing to do. I want her to wait for me. I want her to wait for me so bad. I don’t want to think about her ever allowing anyone besides me to love her. She needs to know how I feel about her before I’m too late.
    I shake the tension out of my shoulders. I step up to the microphone, brush away my doubt, and say the words that will strip away everything but the truth.
    I used to love the ocean.
    Everything about her.
    Her coral reefs , her whitecaps , her roaring waves , the
    rocks they lap , her pirate legends and mermaid tails,
    Treasures lost and treasures held . . .
    And ALL
    Of her fish
    In the sea .
    Yes, I used to love the ocean,
    Everything about her.
    The way she would sing me to sleep as I lay in my bed
    then wake me with a force
    That I soon came to dread .
    Her fables , her lies, her misleading eyes,
    I’d drain her dry
    If I cared enough to.
    I used to love the ocean,
    Everything about her.
    Her coral reefs , her whitecaps , her roaring waves , the
    rocks they lap , her pirate legends and mermaid tails,
    treasures lost and treasures held .
    And ALL
    Of her fish
    In the sea .
    Well, if you’ve ever tried navigating your sailboat
    through her stormy seas , you would realize that
    her whitecaps are your enemies . If you’ve ever tried
    swimming ashore when your leg gets a cramp and
    you just had a huge meal of In-n-Out burgers that’s
    weighing you down, and her roaring waves are
    knocking the wind out of you, filling your lungs with
    water as you flail your arms, trying to get someone’s
    attention, but your friends
    just
    wave
    back at you?
    And if you’ve ever grown up with dreams in your head
    about life, and how one of these days you would pirate
    your own ship and have your own crew and that all of
    the mermaids
    would love
    only
    you?
    Well, you would realize . . .
    Like I eventually realized . . .
    That all the good things about her?
    All the beautiful?
    It’s not real.
    It’s fake.
    So you keep your ocean ,
    I’ll take the Lake.
    I CLOSE MY eyes and exhale, not sure what to do next. Do I walk to the booth where she’s sitting? Do I wait and let her come find me? I slowly back away from the microphone and walk toward the side stairs, taking them one by one, afraid of what, if anything, might happen next. I know I need to see her.
    When I reach the back of the room, she isn’t in the booth anymore. I walk toward the front of the club, toward the stage, in case she came to find me up here. She’s nowhere. After looking around for several minutes, I see Eddie and Gavin sliding into the booth Lake was seated in just moments ago.
    What are they doing here? Lake said none of them were coming. Thank God they’re late, I wouldn’t have wanted Gavin to hear that piece. I walk over to them and attempt to appear casual, but my entire body is nervous and tense.
    “Hey, Will,” Gavin says. “You want to sit with us?”
    I shake my head. “Not yet. Have you guys . . .” I pause, not really wanting Gavin to give me one of his looks again when he finds out I’m looking for Lake. “Have you guys seen Layken?” Gavin leans back in the booth and cocks an eyebrow.
    “Yeah,” Eddie says with a grin on her face. “She said she was leaving. She was headed toward the back parking lot of the club, but I just found her purse right here,” she says, holding up a purse. “She’ll be back as soon as she realizes she doesn’t have it.”
    She left? I immediately turn and head toward the door without saying another word to either of them. If she stayed for the whole poem and just up and left, I must have pissed her off. Why did I not switch poems? Why didn’t I think about how it would make her feel? I swing the door open and immediately round the corner toward the back parking lot. Frantic to catch her before she drives away, I find myself switching from a brisk walk, to a jog, then to a desperate sprint. I spot her Jeep, but she isn’t inside it. I spin around searching for her, but I don’t see her. I turn to walk back and check the club again and I hear her voice, coupled with someone else’s. It sounds like a guy. My fists immediately clench, worried for her safety. I don’t like the thought of her being out here