Unseen Academicals

here by tomorrow night or you can try begging your meals off some other girl, right? Take your little friend with you. Nice to meet you, Mister Nutt, but I wish I could find you in better company.’
    She paused. Nutt looked so lost and bewildered. Gods help me, she thought, I’m turning into my mum again. ‘No, wait.’ She reached down, opened one of the warming ovens and came back again with another large dish. The scent of cooked apples filled the kitchen. ‘This is for you, Mister Nutt, with my compliments. You need fattening up before you blow away. Don’t bother to share it with this scallywag, ’cos he’s a greedy beggar, ask anyone. Now, I’ve got to clean up, and if you boys don’t want to help, get out of my kitchen! Oh, and I’ll want that dish back as well!’
    Trev grabbed Nutt’s shoulder. ‘Come on, you heard what she said.’
    ‘Yes, and I don’t mind helping—’
    ‘Come on!’
    ‘Thank you very much, miss,’ Nutt managed, as he was dragged down the stairs.
    Glenda folded her oven cloth neatly as she watched them go.
    ‘Goblins,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘Have you ever seen a goblin before, Jools?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Have you ever seen a goblin?’
    ‘Dunno.’
    ‘Do you think he’s a goblin?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Mr Nutt. Is he a goblin, do you think?’ said Glenda, as patiently as possible.
    ‘He’s a posh one, then. I mean, he sounded like he reads books and stuff.’
    This was a discrimination that was, in Glenda’s view, at practically forensic standards of observation for Juliet. She turned around and found to her surprise that Juliet had gone back to reading something, or at least staring intently at the words. ‘What have you got there?’ she asked.
    ‘It’s called Bu-bubble . It’s like, what important people are doing.’
    Glenda looked over her friend’s shoulder as she leafed through the pages. As far as she could tell all the important people shared one smile and were wearing unsuitable clothes for this time of year. ‘So what is it that makes them important?’ she asked. ‘Just being in a magazine?’
    ‘There’s fashion tips too,’ said Juliet defensively. ‘Look, it says here chrome and copper micromail is the look for the season.’
    ‘That’s the page for dwarfs,’ sighed Glenda. ‘Come on, get your things and I’ll take you home.’
    Juliet was still reading as they waited for the horse bus. Such sudden devotion to a printed page worried Glenda. The last thing she wanted was to see her friend getting ideas in her head. There was such a lot of room in there for them to bounce around and do damage. Glenda herself was reading one of her cheap novels wrapped in a page of the Times . She read the way a cat eats: furtively, daring anyone to notice.
    While the horses plodded up towards Dolly Sisters, she took her scarf out of her bag and absent-mindedly wrapped it around her wrist. Personally, she hated the violence of the football, but it was important to belong. Not belonging, especially after a big game, could be dangerous to your health. It was important to show the right colours on your home turf. It was important to fit in.
    For some reason, that thought immediately turned her mind to Nutt. How strange he was. Kind of ugly, but very clean. He had stunk of soap and seemed so nervous. There was something about him…

    The air in the Uncommon Room had gone as cold as meltwater.
    ‘Are you telling us, Mister Stibbons, that we should be seen to enter a game for bullies, louts and roughs?’ said the Chair of Indefinite Studies. ‘That would be impossible!’
    ‘Unlikely, yes. Impossible? No,’ said Ponder wearily.
    ‘Most certainly not possible!’ said the Senior Wrangler, nodding at the Chair. ‘We would be trading kicks with people from the gutters!’
    ‘My grandfather scored two goals in a match against Dimwell,’ said Ridcully, in a quiet, matter-of-fact voice. ‘Most people never managed one in their lives, in those days. I think the most number of goals scored by one man in his whole life is four. That was Dave Likely, of course.’
    There was a ripple of hurried rethinking and retrenchment.
    ‘Ah, well, of course, those were different times,’ said the Senior Wrangler, suddenly all syrup. ‘I’m sure that even skilled workmen occasionally took part in a spirit of fun.’
    ‘It wasn’t much fun if they ran into Granddad,’ said Ridcully, with a faint little grin. ‘He was a prizefighter. He knocked people down for