You Suck: A Love Story

to sound confident in her instructions, but she was in unexplored territory as much as he was. She was enjoying teaching Tommy about the particulars of vampirism, just as she enjoyed teaching him how to do grown-up human things like how to get the power and phone turned on in the loft-it made her feel sophisticated and in charge, and after a series of boyfriends for whom she had been little more than an accoutrement, whose lifestyles she had affected, from heavy-metal anarchists to financial-district yuppies, she liked being the pacesetter for a change. Still, when it came to teaching him about feeding on animals, she couldn’t have been winging it more if she really could turn into a bat.
    The only time she’d ever considered drinking animal blood was when Tommy had brought her two large, live snapping turtles fromChinatown. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to even try biting into the armored reptiles. Tommy had named them Scott and Zelda, which hadn’t helped. Now Zelda was functioning as a lawn ornament inPacificHeights and Scott was encased in bronze and standing next to the old vampire in the great room. The biker sculptors downstairs had bronzed them, which is what had given Tommy the idea to bronze Jody and the old vampire in the first place.
    “Are you sure this is okay?” Tommy said, bending over Chet the huge shaved cat. “I mean, you said that we were only supposed to hunt the sick and the weak-the black auras. Chet’s aura is shiny and pink.”
    “It’s different with animals.” She had no idea if it was different with animals. She’d eaten a moth once, whole-snatched it out of the air and downed it before she could think about it. She realized now that there were a lot more questions she should have asked Elijah when she had had the chance. “Besides, you’re not going to kill him.”
    “Right,” Tommy said. He put his mouth on Chet’s kitty neck. “Like thith?”
    Jody had to turn away to keep from laughing. “Yeah, that looks good.”
    “He tathes like thaving cream.”
    “Just go,” Jody said.
    “’Kay.” Tommy bit and started to moan almost immediately. Not a moan of pleasure, but the moan of someone who has his tongue stuck on the ice-cube tray in the freezer. Chet seemed strangely calm, not even struggling against his kitty bonds. Maybe there was something to the vampire’s power over his victims, Jody thought.
    “Okay, that’s enough,” Jody said.
    Tommy shook his head while still feeding on the huge shaved cat.
    “Tommy, let off. You need to leave some.”
    “Nu-ih,” Tommy said.
    “Stop sucking the huge cat, Tommy,” Jody said sternly. “I’m not kidding.” She was kidding, a little bit.
    Tommy was breathing hard now, and a little color had come into his skin. Jody looked around for something to get his attention. She spotted a vase of flowers on the nightstand.
    She pulled out the flowers and tossed the water on Tommy and the huge cat. He kept feeding. The cat shuddered but otherwise remained immobile.
    “Okay, then,” Jody said. It was a heavy, stoneware vase, something Tommy had picked up to hold some apology flowers he’d brought her from the grocery store where he worked. He’d been good that way, sometimes bringing home apology flowers before he’d even done anything to apologize for. Really, you couldn’t ask for more than that from a guy-which is why Jody slowed to half speed as she brought the vase around in a wide arc that ended with it smacking Tommy in the forehead and knocking him back about six feet. Chet the huge shaved cat yowled. Miraculously, the vase did not break.
    “Thanks,” Tommy said, wiping the blood from his mouth. There was a crescent-moon-shaped dent in his forehead that was rapidly filling in, healing.
    “Sure,” Jody said, staring at the vase. Great vase, she thought. Elegant, fragile porcelain was all well and good for the collector’s case or the tea party, but for the girl who finds herself in need of a vessel that can deliver a wallop, Jody was suddenly sold on the sturdy value of stoneware.
    “Tastes like cat breath,” Tommy said, pointing to Chet. The punctures from Tommy’s fangs had already healed. “Is it supposed to?”
    Jody shrugged. “What’s cat breath taste like?”
    “Like tuna casserole left out in the sun for a week.” Being from theMidwest, Tommy thought everyone knew what tuna casserole tasted like. Having been born and raised inCarmel,California, Jody knew it only as something eaten