After the Fall

wanted to be with you. That had never happened to me before. With anyone.” He locked eyes with me, the pain in his palpable even from where I sat. “But suddenly you’re getting close to being able to function on your own again, and I’m no longer needed?”
    I blinked. “That’s what you thought this was about? That I was pushing you aside because I was getting my independence back? Yes, I was desperate to get back on my own two feet, but that had nothing to do with you.” I swallowed. “I was never in this to use you, Ryan.”
    “Then what were you in it for?” He wrung his hands in his lap, watching them rather than looking at me. “Because all I know is one minute I was attracted to you, the next I was feeling something stronger for you, and then I was out on my ass. Right when you didn’t need me anymore.”
    “No, no, no.” I sat straighter and faced him. “Honestly, it wasn’t like that at all. Quite the opposite, actually.”
    He faced me and furrowed his brow, but didn’t speak.
    “The last few months were . . .” I shook my head and sighed. “I don’t do very well depending on people. I never have. That’s been a really difficult thing to do even though I knew I had to, and with that on top of letting myself get involved with you, I was . . . overwhelmed, I guess. I told myself I wouldn’t get emotionally invested in anyone for a while, but then I did, at the same time I had to depend on you, and Brad, and . . .” I sighed again. “I hate feeling like I’m incapable of taking care of myself; having someone see me like that from the beginning makes my skin crawl. But I never felt like you thought I was weak or incapable. You never made me feel that way. And that—the fact that it was always okay and never an imposition or a reason to pity me—it made me feel that much more for you. And then I got scared. And I left. And I’m so sorry I hurt you, Ryan. I don’t know how many ways I can say that.”
    Ryan lowered his gaze. Some of his defenses seemed to come down too, his posture relaxing slightly, but the distance remained between us.
    I sat up a little, then rested my elbows on my knees. “I told you about my roommate, right? About why he’s staying with me?”
    Ryan nodded. “Because he and his boyfriend split.” The slight arch of his eyebrow asked exactly how that was relevant.
    “Yeah, they did. Sort of. Thing is, he and Jeff have been together for years. The last year or so, things kind of went to shit, and Brad left a few months ago. Moved in with me until they could figure out what they were doing.”
    “Okay . . .?” The arched eyebrow and its unspoken question remained.
    “They’re trying again,” I said. “They’re not picking up where they left off and pretending everything is perfect. They’re starting at the beginning. Dating. Working their way back toward what they had before.”
    Ryan shifted a little. “If they haven’t been able to work it out, then what’s the point?”
    “Because Brad thinks Jeff is worth going through the effort and trying one last time,” I said quietly. “And Jeff thinks Brad is worth it.” I paused. “And, you and I had only just started dating, but I’m here because I think you’re worth it.” I knew damn well I was leaving myself open for a retort of “You’re not, get out,” but I put it out there and hoped for the best.
    Silence. More goddamned silence.
    “That’s all I have,” I said softly.
    “I really liked what we had,” he said. “That was the first time I’d ever felt anything like that. For anyone. And when you walked away . . .” Trailing off, he shook his head. “I don’t want to set myself up for that again.”
    “Neither do I. That’s why I left. I . . . I freaked out.” With a hell of a lot of effort, I met his eyes again. “You’re not used to staying in one place very long. I’m not used to staying with one man. But if you’ll give me—and Tucker Springs—another chance, maybe we can make this work.” I moistened my lips. “This is new to me too, Ryan.”
    He cocked his head. “But you’ve had relationships before.”
    “Not like this one.” Struggling to hold his gaze, I whispered, “I’ve never met anyone who made me feel like this.”
    His expression didn’t change. His posture didn’t budge. The panic in my gut grew, and with every silent second, I was certain he was one sudden move away from turning around and bolting. My opportunities to turn this around were