Baby Be Mine

Johnny a couple of times in the last few weeks, but he seems to have lost all of the tenderness he showed me in the week before we left. Dana’s influence, I imagine. Or maybe he’s just hardened up towards me because it’s his only way to cope. That’s what Lena says. Yes, she still works for him, although it’s going to be a long time before he trusts her again. Silly, really, because she was only trying to help him in her own, funny kind of way. She certainly won’t risk messing up again.
    Christmas comes and goes, as does New Year’s Eve. Mum and Dad manage to get here after a day’s delay when the airports close due to snowfall, and Susan and Only Slightly Less Annoying Tony also join us for the holidays. Our new home can more than accommodate everyone. It’s truly beautiful: a large, six-bedroom Georgian house with white rendered walls, a slate roof and French windows. The garden is south-facing and full of promise for the approaching spring. When we first moved here I used to walk into Henley with Barney and go to tea shops and visit the playground by the river. He loves nothing more than feeding the multitude of swans, geese and ducks, and watching the boats as they pass by. We’ve even made a couple of new friends. But it’s been a bitterly cold December and January, so we’ve huddled up a bit and made the most of the real log fire. I’ve become a dab hand at stoking it.
    My evenings are lonely, though. The only adult conversation I have is when one of our two security guys – Alan or Smithy – does their final check. After that I only have the television for company. But I can’t complain about it.
    One day in the middle of February I get an unexpected call from Christian. I texted him when we returned because he refused to answer my calls, but I didn’t know if he’d ever make contact.
    ‘Are you at home?’ he asks me.
    ‘Yes,’ I reply with anticipation.
    ‘I’m in Marlow,’ he says of the nearby town, also on the river. ‘Visiting friends,’ he explains. ‘I thought I might pop by.’
    ‘Yes, please do!’ I exclaim, trying not to scare him away with my enthusiasm. I can’t quite believe I’m hearing this. I give him my full address and end the call before he changes his mind. He arrives less than half an hour later. I’ve been pacing the hall nervously, wondering if I should wake Barney from his nap so he’s there to welcome Christian. In the end I leave him. It would be awful if their reunion were spoiled by an overtired and tearful toddler.
    Security buzzes to announce Christian’s arrival and I venture outside into the cold to greet him. He drives up the gravel driveway in a dark-grey Audi and climbs out. His hair is longer and I’m surprised to see that he’s grown a beard – not a big one, not like Santa’s or anything like that, but it’s more than merely designer stubble. He’s clearly committed to it.
    ‘Hello,’ I say shyly.
    ‘Hi.’ He slams the door and comes to meet me. I stare up at him, not quite sure if we should kiss or hug. In the end we do neither.
    ‘Shall we go inside?’ he suggests. ‘You must be freezing. Where’s Barney?’
    ‘Asleep.’
    ‘Does he still have his daytime nap?’
    ‘Yes. He needs it otherwise he’s a terror.’
    He looks around. I don’t expect him to comment on the house, not when he’ll know Johnny is financing it.
    ‘He hasn’t changed that much,’ I tell him, wanting it to be true, but knowing that it’s not.
    ‘I’ll be the judge of that,’ he replies, and it hurts. ‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘I don’t want this to be unpleasant.’
    I look at the floor.
    ‘That didn’t come out right,’ he tells me. ‘I mean, I just want to move on now. Okay?’
    ‘Yes. Yes,’ I say again, just to be sure. ‘Tea? Coffee?’
    ‘Tea, please.’
    ‘Chocolate biscuit?’
    ‘What do you think?’
    He smiles at me for a brief moment before looking away again.
    ‘Susan brought them,’ I explain.
    ‘Did she?’ he asks with surprise. He never had much time for her, either.
    ‘She’s been great, you know.’ He follows me into the kitchen and I tell him about her. We take our teas and biscuits through to the living room. ‘How’s it all going with your work?’ I ask him.
    ‘Not bad. Book two coming out next month.’
    ‘Wow. I remember talking to my dad earlier last year about that one coming out in March. God, it’s been a long year.’
    ‘I know what you mean.’
    The baby monitor indicates that Barney