Bullheaded

against a handy building and laughed at himself. It was like reading a mystery and being unable to wait ’til the end and skipping pages to find out who did it. Just in case Cody might end up kicking him out, he’d gone and done it first. Way to get what you want , he thought. “I’m an idiot. I’ve already lost him. Competitive bastard.”
    He just couldn’t take the heat so he jumped stupidly into the fire. Cody had this way of trying to get what he wanted, joking, teasing, leaning on him, and Johnny hated wrangling. It was one of the reasons he stayed away from his mother. He loved her, but he couldn’t take the bitching. He hated saying no to Cody, and yet it had been so easy with March.
    He turned his phone off, stuck it in his pocket, and started walking fast. He didn’t need to call March anymore; he knew what March would tell him. Learn to trust yourself. Learn to trust that Cody would live if he didn’t always get what he wanted. Even if he did sulk. Johnny had to grin. He was a sulker himself, and the thought of both of them sulking at each other was kind of funny, but at least Cody had a sunnier disposition when he got over his sulks. Johnny tended to brood awhile longer.
    But God, the thrill of Cody taking what he wanted in bed was something he couldn’t deny he loved. And then Johnny realized he was giving Cody what they both wanted. Cody hadn’t taken it from him, and he’d wanted to be fucked just as much as Cody wanted to fuck him.
    A moment of doubt hit him. Sliding back to the familiarity of Cody’s arms was too easy. It made Johnny’s brain turn off and he needed to think about this. He’d worried that this thing between them was just sex, but it was more than that. He had to figure out what he really wanted and if he could even get it. The moment of clarity slipped away as he got lost in a sensual dream of how it felt to have Cody in his arms again.
    He shivered as if a shock of cold water had hit him as he replayed the night before. He must have heard it somehow, because he sure wasn’t concentrating on what Cody was saying at the time, but now he remembered. Cody had said “I love you.” The break in his whisper made it mean so much more. It was something he’d never said in so many words before. He’d probably always assumed Johnny knew.
    A secret smile curved Johnny’s lips. Cody did love him. It wasn’t just conquest. Somehow they had to find a way to make this work.
    Johnny was waiting by Vern’s truck, his bag over his shoulder before the sky was fully light. A yellow glow on the horizon hinted at the coming sun, but the air was crisp and smelled like fall.
    “Why the big grin? You look like you just rolled out of bed, and I don’t mean after a good night’s sleep,” Vern said sourly as he opened the camper back. “Tried calling you.”
    “You did?” Johnny slapped his pocket. “Crap. I turned it off.”
    “Don’t get twisted around some girl’s ring finger,” Vern told him sternly. “My daddy always said not to get mixed up with some female woman.”
    “You’re the one who’s married, not me,” Johnny pointed out. He slung his bag into the back and closed the back of the truck.
    “Yeah, well, I never said I followed everything my daddy said.” Vern grinned suddenly as he unlocked the truck. “Besides, my wife is a real grown-up woman, not some skank ho who wants to hopscotch from a bullfighter’s bed into a rider’s. Seen that done before. Don’t get your heart broke.”
    “Oh, I won’t. That’s one thing for sure you don’t have to worry about,” Johnny said with his secret smile. While the escapades of the last four months had proven he could enjoy sex with a large number of men, last night had proven to him it would never be as good with anyone else as it was with Cody.

Chapter 16:
Back in the Saddle Again

    I T STILL felt weird to watch from the stands. It had been a long time since Johnny attended an event where he wasn’t part of the action, either as a rider or as a bullfighter. It was weird to smell the dirt and the stock, to hear the music and announcements from such a different place.
    Even weirder was sitting next to Davis and Val Grainger in their box again. When they’d met in the hall backstage, Davis had greeted him with a warm grin and a firm handshake, and Val with her usual big hug. She seemed to take it for granted he would sit with them again, and Johnny found he wanted to, even though he dreaded questions about how