Days of Love and Blood

since you’re out here, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”
    “What about?”
    “About you. And Cooper. And Ben.”
    I massaged the lower portion of my back before bending back down to resume my picking. I let out a few exasperated groans and sighs before continuing on, failing to give her any response.
    “It’s just that I don’t think you should waste your time on someone like Cooper. ” I froze where I was, in mid-grasp of a succulent red berry. “Not when someone like Ben is here.”
    I bounced up from my crouching position behind the bushes and stared at her. Not just at her, but through her - straight at her audacity. This wasn’t a coincidence. She wasn’t trying to be a gal-pal. I could spot an agenda from a mile away.
    “ That’s really none of your business, is it?”
    “I know that you and Cooper have spent time together.”
    “What’s your point?” I hissed. “We’re friends. I’m sorry but I don’t like people sticking their noses in my business especially when it’s out of left field.” I picked up my baskets and walked past Jayde, jolting her shoulder as I inched past.
    “I’ m not trying to be nosy. Stop. Would you just stop for one second?”
    “Fine, Jayde. What?” I snapped around and walked up to her leaving an inch between my nose and hers. She took a fumbling step backwards and put her basket down without looking away from my eyes.
    “Think about it. Cooper - he’s a loud-mouth. He yells, he screams. He calls people names and walks away. He’s never nice and he’ll turn on you in a second. He’s just plain mean. Ben - he likes you. He doesn’t care who knows. He’s made it obvious that he’s curious about you. I know you’ve only known him for a few days but give the guy a chance. He’s sweet. Sweeter than Cooper will ever be.”
    “ Are you trying to tell me who I should be involved with?”
    “What’s going on with you and Cooper?”
    “Nothing.”
    “ Nothing?” Jayde’s thin lips instantly pursed together and her eyes stretched open. It was a momentary reflection of insanity. She definitely wasn’t right in the head.
    “ Jayde, nothing has to be going on.” She looked at me with quizzical brows and I was about to turn but my stubbornness kept me still. “Cooper and I are friends. We like each other. We understand each other. And we like being next to each other. We have our issues. Who doesn’t? We’ve both lost. We both have grief. But we don’t burden each other with it and that’s what we need. There’s no love. There’s no romance. It’s just us and we find it comforting. Is that it? Is that what you wanted to know?”
    “ He’s not going to give you what you need.”
    “ Don’t presume to tell me what I need - or want.”
    “ He doesn’t care about you, Carson. And he never will. Cooper doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Ben is the one you should consider being with.”
    “ I’m not considering being with anyone. Where do you get off telling me who I should be with? Jesus! I don’t want to be with anyone, Jayde! How - the fuck - ridiculous are you? Do I come across as someone who is desperate to clamor onto a man or something? And answer me this, why the hell do you care? Why do you care about me or Cooper?”
    “ I don’t care about Cooper.” She looked away from me, down and left. She was lying.
    “This is about Cooper, isn’t it? Or is this about you?” She didn’t reply. “Whatever. It’s been four months, Jayde. Four months, that’s it. Four months since I lost my Ritchie.”
    “And no one is going to look down at your for being with Ben.”
    “ I don’t want to be with Ben, Jayde.” I almost laughed in her face. The way she was trying to manipulate the conversation was hilarious, especially since I didn’t fully understand her motives. “I’m not sure why you’re trying to push him so hard. But I know that wanting to be with someone is normal. It’s good. And all that - fucking whatever. But you can’t come out here and tell me who to be with! What the hell is wrong with you?”
    “So you do want to be with Cooper?”
    I threw my arms in the air and moaned in disgust.
    “Yes, Jayde. Alright? I don’t know if you’re nosy or jealous,” I sneered. “I’m not interested in Ben. Cooper is the only man I feel comfortable with. He’s the only man I want near me. He’s the only one I want near my kid. I trust him more than anyone else on this farm. Got it? And yes, if I was going to be