Days of Love and Blood

with someone, it would be Cooper.” I was yelling but I wanted to be running. Jayde revered me with a vicious gleam in her eye. “That pisses you off, doesn’t it? And it pisses you off that he tolerates me too, doesn’t it?”
    “He doesn’t anymore if you haven’t noticed.”
    My hands clenched and I gritted my teeth. I wanted to tell her off but I didn’t. I didn’t want her to find the insecurity in my voice so I turned by back on her. I picked up my buckets and ran back to the river. A brief smell of nicotine and tar reached my nose and I turned around to locate Jayde, but she wasn’t there anymore.

Giving In
    The silence between us was deafening. I couldn’t stand the a wkwardness. I couldn’t bear the deep sighs either as he sat across the room from me. Ritchie was only ten feet away but emotionally, he wasn’t even in the room. I finally got up and escaped to the bedroom to read for a while. An easy way out. Good fiction could make me forget anything.
    Halfway through the book the bedro om door opened. I didn’t put my book down and instead rolled over with it curled up in my arms. I was distracted by the sounds of him getting undressed before the bed jostled when he slid under the covers. I braced myself and cringed, waiting for another sigh. Instead I felt his hands lightly grasp my waist. He pulled me into him and kissed the back of my neck.
    “I don’t want to fight,” he whispered.
    “Neither do I.”
    “Then why are we?”
    “We’re not,” I said as I placed the book down and rolled over to face him. “We’re ignoring each other.”
    “Why?”
    “Because we’re emotionally stunted.”
    “Are you saying we’re childish?” His slight , contagious smile made my own appear.
    “Stubborn - is more like it.”
    Ritchie leaned over and kissed me on the lips, parting them with his tongue. He dotted kisses from the corner of my mouth, down along my line of my jaw all the way to my neck.
    “What were we fighting about?” he asked between kisses.
    “I have - have no idea.”

    “What’s wrong?” Ivy asked.
    “I don’t want to talk about it.”
    “What happened?” she asked again.
    “I just want to go home,” I answered.
    I carried the baskets of blue and red berries into the trailer, making three trips. Ronan was off playing hide-and-go-seek with his friends between the cars in our makeshift grass parking lot. Cassie was already in the camper, lying down for a nap in the back bedroom.
    “Ronan! Come on, we’re leaving!”
    “Would you talk to me?”
    “Do I look that upset?” I asked. I held my breath to hide my affliction, but I knew Ivy could read my eyes. There was nothing I could keep from her. She put her hand on my shoulder and the other on my cheek.
    “Carson. Let it go. Whatever it is. Let it go.” I bit my lip and a nervous laugh managed to find its way free.
    “You’re not supposed to be the strong one.”
    “I’m strong now.”
    “I’m not supposed to be the weak one.”
    “You’re not weak. Let it go. Let him go.”
    “I can’t ,” I sobbed. “He’s still here. In my mind. In my memories. Every time I look at Ronan.”
    “Let him go,” she whispered. “He can still be with you, on his own terms. Let him go.” For a second, I wondered who she meant.
    “I need to go home.”
    “Carson?” It was a familiar voice, but an unwanted one. I wiped my face and turned around to face him.
    “Hi, Ben.”
    “I’m sorry,” he said as he explored my eyes. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
    “Carson - I need to run, honey. Making jam with the girls in the kitchen.” I nodded warily and Ivy was gone, leaving me defenseless. Ronan still wasn’t answering although I could hear his boyish cries and laughter echoing in the near distance.
    “Are you okay?”
    “I’m fine,” I assured him. “Just about to leave. Ronan! We’re leaving now!”
    “I just wanted to apologize, for the other night.”
    “For what?”
    “I didn’t realize that you and Cooper were - are - I mean…”
    “We’re not.”
    “You’re not? But then why did he act that way?”
    “He’s just Cooper. He doesn’t know you. He was being protective, or something. Or he just doesn’t like you.” I tried to look away, but there was nothing to look at. I didn’t want to be there but I couldn’t go in the camper without Ronan. Ben stepped slowly toward me with his head down; his long dark locks dropped in front of his face.
    “I’m sorry if I made you feel