Days of Love and Blood

as long as your temperature didn’t get too high but at one point we almost brought you to the river, to dunk you in the mountain water. We were this close.” She pinched the air with her fingers, leaving a barely visible space between them.
    “Cooper was crying,” said Ronan.
    “Cooper?” I asked.
    “He tried to hide it,” said Ivy. “But he was. He never left.”
    “And he’s a grown-up,” said Ronan.
    “Well, that’s okay,” I said while rubbing his back. “Grown-ups can cry, too.”
    “He stayed in my room and read me stories. And when I cried, he hugged me. He should stay here. With us.”
    “I told him he could but I don’t really think he wants to.”
    “Yes, he does.”
    “He’s mad at Mommy,” I explained.
    “Say you’re sorry.”
    “It’s not that simple.”
    He asked me why in a thousand different ways but in the end he got bored and went to play in his room. Ivy left to tell everyone that I was alright and a few hours later Solomon and Brigham showed up to check on me. After convincing them that I would live, I saw them approach Cooper who was building a fire in the chiminea. Cooper stood up and waved his arms around, yelling something I couldn’t hear and the men left for their car.
    For the next few days, nothing much happened. We didn’t plan any more raids. Things were calm except for the tension in my yard. The air from my front door to Cooper’s tent was impenetrable. I had Ronan bring Cooper breakfast, lunch and dinner and sometimes they would eat together. I watched from my window when Ronan played with Cooper in the yard. Sometimes they would play football or soccer and a few times Cooper showed him how to use a mitt and they tossed around a ratty old baseball. I never tried to stop Ronan from being with Cooper. It was good for both of them: the son who lost a father, the father who lost a son.
    Never once did Cooper approach the house and I never walked to the tent. There were no messages passed back and forth with Ronan and there were no written notes left. Cooper and I never talked much before but there was always something between us. Whatever it was, it was gone.

    I was surprised and slightly lifted when I saw Cooper get in his truck and follow me over to Ivy’s house. But my hopes slipped away when he walked straight past me and up to the house without the smallest hint of acknowledgement as I was getting Ronan out of the car. There was no ‘hello’, no nod, no touch of his hand on my shoulder, no eye contact at all.
    I briefly wondered why he remained camped out on my front lawn. The question lingered only for a second because I already knew the answer. It wasn’t jealousy or control. It was merely obligation. A sense of duty. Nothing more. I could respect that. I knew he loved Ronan and that was a good thing. I had been too cold for him. I pushed him away and now he was gone, but not in entirety. Ronan was his lifeline now.
    Marianna came running out of the house to meet me.
    “What are you doing here?” I asked after we hugged.
    ‘What do you mean?”
    “You have your own house now. I thought you would be there.”
    “Oh, well, Ivy’s house is town central. I’m here every day, didn’t you know?” She smiled and threw her arm around me as we walked to the house. The boys swept Ronan away in playful amusement before I could answer. “So, how do you feel?”
    “Much better. I’m fine now.”
    “I’m so glad,” she said with a deep sigh following. “You don’t know what it was like here while you were sick. Everyone was frantic and Gretchen wouldn’t let anyone see you.”
    “ She thought I had the virus.”
    “Of course. But after two days she realized that wasn’t the case. You would’ve changed by then. But still, she was concerned that it could be a new virus, some kind of variation. I don’t know.”
    “It was just the flu.”
    “That was one hell of a flu.”
    “You’re telling me.”
    “So, tell me,” she asked as she gripped and shook my shoulder. “What’s going on with Cooper?”
    “Nothing. Nothing at all. He’s still camped out in front of my yard.”
    “I heard.”
    “But that’s it. He’s refusing to speak with me.”
    “That’s not what I heard,” she smiled.
    “What do you mean?”
    “I heard that he spent every night with you, taking shifts with Gretchen.”
    “I think he was there for a few minutes each at night. He said he was.”
    “No, it wasn’t a few minutes. He spent every night with you.