Days of Love and Blood

All night long.”
    “Are you sure?” I asked.
    “From what Gretchen tells me, that’s the case.”
    “But she wasn’t there at night. ”
    “Trust me. He did. You know, Cooper isn’t the person I thought he was. He’s a lot more.
    “ He is,” I agreed.
    “Maybe - maybe that deserves some attention.”
    “I’ve tried. Believe me, I have. But he isn’t talking to me.”
    “Give him time.”
    “That’s all I have right now.”
    “In the meantime, don’t try to live your life for him. Do what you need to do. Do what makes you happy.”
    “Marianna,” I stopped her. “ I haven’t been trying, that’s the problem. I want to, God knows I do. Cooper needs the extra, I don’t know, the extra effort, I guess. Extra attention. But I just don’t have the energy. I’m already too emotionally fucked up to try and fix him. The blind can’t lead the blind.”
    “Maybe you don’t have to lead him. Just be there for him and he’ll be there for you like he was when you were sick. Things will work themselves out. Just give it time.”
    “ Cooper, he’s just - different. He and I got along, without saying things. We feel, we felt, comfortable around each other because neither one of us goes winding back down memory lane. We rely on, I don’t know, other things besides talking.”
    “Well, that’s always nice too,” Marianna cooed.
    “I didn’t mean that,” I laughed. “But that too.”
    “ Doesn’t matter how well you connect. If jealousy is in the picture, it will ruin everything.”
    “ And it drives me crazy. I don’t react well to jealousy. The only thing I can do at this point is to give him distance. I don’t want to give in. I don’t want to be controlled. But I don’t want him to walk away either. Cooper’s my friend. And I care about my friends. I love my friends. I would miss him.” I sighed and looked down at my feet. “I already miss him,” I admitted.
    “I know you do.”
    “It’s frustrating because we’re both hurt. That’s all. But Cooper and I are both too stubborn to meet in the middle when we’re pissed off.”
    Tasha threw her arms around me when I reached the porch and Johnson picked me up and twirled me around in his arms. Brigham gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and Solomon patted me on the back. When Ivy came out I presented her with a basket of fudge brownies and bottle of vintage whiskey as payment for her twenty-four hour nursing and nanny care.
    “Now that’s what I’m talking about!” she squealed.
    “You deserve it. Where’s Cassie?”
    “Taking a nap, of course! Have a seat and let’s break this bad boy open.” She put the brownies on the deck table and went inside to open the bottle. Before the door swung shut, Ben stepped outside.
    “Carson?” he asked with surprised eyes. “You’re back? How are you feeling?”
    “I’m well, Ben. How are you?” I gave him a huge smile and tilted my head back, hoping to let him know that it was okay to talk to me. Then I patted the seat next to me. He took the cue and sat down.
    “I was so worried about you but they wouldn’t let me over.”
    “Ivy, Cooper and Gretchen took care of me. They were afraid it was the Demon Virus. That’s why they didn’t let you over. But it was just a flu or something. I’m fine now.”
    “Good. I heard you were better, but you look great.”
    “Thank you.”
    “I’m sorry,” he said. He twirled his hands in between his legs and bent his head. “I feel a little awkward. Um, how’s everything with you and Cooper? When I came over last, when you got sick, I feel like I caused everything. The fight, you getting sick, everything.”
    “You didn’t cause anything, Ben.”
    “Are you sure? Maybe I stressed you out. Stress can make a person sick.”
    “ You’re not the one who stressed me out. And Cooper and I are just friends. Sort of.”
    “I’m sorry about that.”
    “Me too. I hope it changes. Until then, I’m satisfied with being friends. If you can call it that. He still won’t talk to me.”
    “Still?”
    “Nope.”
    “I’m sorry,” he said.
    “Stop saying you’re sorry. It’s driving me crazy.”
    “I wouldn’t be like that.”
    I turned my head sharply at him, taken aback by his candor.
    “ What I mean is that I wouldn’t do that to you, personally. I don’t mean anything against him. I know how much you care about him.”
    “Mom! Mom. Look at what we found!” Ronan came running up the porch steps and held out his hand,