Dirty Laundry: A Tucker Springs Novel #3

tiles to each classroom. He was explaining about having to go back and start again when he lost count, having to do this a lot because his peers had figured out what he was doing and deliberately tried to throw him off when in the middle of it his stomach rumbled, and Denver put a hand on his thigh, stilling him. After pulling out his phone and placing an order, he motioned for Adam to continue.
    Adam did, giving every excruciating detail of his past, leading up to his diagnosis, taking him headlong into the present day.
    “I’m better than I ever was,” he said, feeling like he should soften this somehow, and this was at least the truth. “I mean, I struggle with it every day, and I always will. It’s part of who I am.” He glanced nervously at Denver. “A big part.”
    Denver gave Adam a stern look. “You really thought I was going to dump you because of this? Because you have OCD?”
    “Denver, I’m mentally ill. I mean—I don’t need to go to an asylum or anything, but there’s no making it better than it is. I’m sick. In the head. And it will always get in the way. It is in the way.”
    Denver raised his eyebrows dubiously. “So I’m a dummy if I don’t toss you over for being sick?”
    Adam felt flustered. Why was this so hard? “You don’t understand. OCD is in the way, and if it isn’t, it will be. My OCD is why I can’t go to your place or have you come to mine. It’s one of my tics. That’s the deal with OCD: there’s no control, and that freaks us out, so our brains randomly pick rules to enforce like a demilitarized zone, and then I’m trapped.”
    “Wait—I don’t get that one,” Denver said, no teasing at all. “That’s why you can’t have me over? The OCD?” Adam nodded. Denver looked even more confused. “Sorry—how does that work exactly?”
    Adam sighed. “I don’t really understand it myself, but I’ve had it as a tic since I can remember. It’s a rule in my head: People belong in their own spaces. I belong in my house. You belong in yours. We can’t mix it up. If it gets mixed up, things are wrong, and I panic.”
    Denver was still frowning. “You mean, nobody can visit you? Ever?”
    Adam shook his head. “No. Well—obviously they do. But it makes me crazy. I spend the whole time calming myself down. It’s a disaster.”
    “Your whole life? What about when you were a kid?”
    Adam’s cheeks burned. “Same thing. Except a lot more embarrassing, because they kept trying to convince me it was a silly thing to be upset about. Which I knew. I just couldn’t stop my reaction.”
    “But you said you dated Brad—” Adam could see understanding dawn on Denver’s face. “Ah. You shared a house. That made it okay?”
    Adam nodded. “Don’t get me wrong. It was still hard. He belonged in his room, you see, and me in mine. It made him crazy. Usually he came to my room and I just sort of faked it, or tried to. He could always tell.”
    Now Denver was angry. “You mean he just told you you were an idiot for freaking out and fucked you anyway?”
    Adam tucked his knees to his chest and buried his face in them. Was that what had happened? Really? That wasn’t how he’d have described it, but Denver’s blunt speech was like lifting a veil. Had he basically endured while Brad fucked him, waiting for him to go away?
    Yes. Yes, you had, you pathetic thing. And it was why you went full-on whore for Denver, because finally, finally it was your turn to have the fun.
    Adam shrank into himself, overcome with shame.
    Denver’s hands were on him again, but before he could say anything, a car door slammed. “Did someone order a pizza?” Adam enjoyed a moment’s miserable wallow while Denver got up, paid the driver, and settled back down. But only a moment; when Denver came back, he hauled Adam into his lap, wrapping his big arms around him until he was all but swallowed against Denver’s body.
    “Okay. I have a lot to say, but I need to make sure you’re done. Is that it? Is that what you wanted to tell me, your big secret? That everything you think is going to drive me away?”
    Adam could smell the pizza, and it made him aware of how hungry he was. It seemed fitting somehow to be starving as he waited for Denver’s rejection. He was empty through and through. He nodded.
    Denver nodded back. “Okay. First off, I gotta tell you, babe. You’re gonna have to work a hell of a lot harder than that to get me to turn tail.”
    Adam looked up at him, incredulous.