Do You Remember the First Time?

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    He couldn’t stop staring at me in some kind of wonder, as if I was a figment of his imagination.
    I checked down the bed. ‘Look,’ I said, in astonishment. ‘There’s blood.’
    His eyes widened. ‘Was that your first time?’
    ‘Erm, yes, obviously,’ I said. ‘Not bad, eh? No wonder school keeps telling us not to do it.’
    He leaned over. I was cradled in his arms.
    ‘It was my first time too,’ he whispered confidentially.
    ‘Really?’ I said. I snuggled into him, smiling that broad smile you get like a happy cat after sex. I kissed him on the chest.
    ‘It was special,’ he said.
    ‘It was special to me too,’ I said, propping myself up on one elbow and tracing his beautiful young chest with my fingertips.
    He grinned. ‘Can we do it again?’ Even as he spoke I could sense him rearing up under the covers.
    ‘No,’ I said regretfully. ‘I have to get back.’
    ‘Oh …’ Then he remembered his manners. ‘OK.’ And he got out of bed, and I struggled not to laugh. Very important, not laughing the first time in his life a boy gets his penis out.
    He held on to me like a drowning man at the door.
    ‘I feel like everything’s different.’
    ‘It is,’ I said. ‘You’ve kissed it all better.’
    And I walked home with a spring in my step, aware of his eyes on my back all the way down the road.
    I had to swallow it for Tash on the phone.
    ‘My dad’s coming back,’ I said quietly.
    ‘Oh, thank God. We’re … I’m so relieved.’
    ‘Who picked you up? Stanzi couldn’t tell.’
    There was a long pause on the end of the phone.
    ‘Tash?’
    ‘Um, Max. He was passing. Yes. It was definitely Max.’
    I looked around me. Was this my last day at school? It was Friday, the day before the wedding. I walked in. Justin and Ethan met Stanzi and me at the front gates. Stanzi was walking with her head held high, all tear-stained, ‘I Will Survive’ defiance. Kendall was nowhere to be seen. Ethan and Justin came up to join us, both of them grinning so broadly I couldn’t help but immediately guess that Justin had told him.
    ‘Don’t tell the whole school,’ I said in a warning tone of voice.
    ‘That you’re a really hot mama?’ said Ethan.
    ‘Shut up!’ I said, but I couldn’t stop smiling.
    ‘It doesn’t matter,’ said Justin, reaching in to tickle me. ‘Because you are mine, all mine.’
    I couldn’t help shrieking as he lunged at me, and swung my schoolbag round to catch him in the stomach. Laughing uncontrollably, I was out of breath when I shortened up to see the imperious figure of Fallon standing right in front of me. She was curling her lip.
    ‘Having fun?’ she said.
    ‘Oh God, Fallon,’ I shouted. ‘Really. Actually, yes. I am having fun. And you should have some too. Because nobody really gives a shit what you think, so you should just learn to enjoy yourself. I know you think you’re sixteen going onthirty, but you’re just a kid really. And you should let yourself behave like one once in a while.’
    ‘Exactly,’ shouted Justin, more kiddish than ever now I’d made a man of him. ‘Tag!’ And he jumped up and tagged her on the shoulder.
    Then he, Ethan and Stanzi all made themselves scarce. After a second of realising what they were doing, I ran too, for my life. And after a second of everyone’s eyes upon her, Fallon realised she had no option but to do the same. So, running extremely gracefully in such high shoes, she plunged in, rushing up and tagging Ethan immediately, who picked one of the pretty younger boys, whereupon all hell broke loose. Leaves were flying everywhere in the early autumn sun, and the whole playground was a screaming mass of running, yelling kids. The younger kids were absolutely delighted to see the so-called grown-ups playing a game and rushed around relentlessly. I was so worn out and hysterically overexcited I still couldn’t stop laughing when Justin grabbed me down into a pile of leaves behind a tree.
    ‘Oh God,’ I said, still giggling, listening to the mayhem. ‘I don’t want to go.’
    ‘Go where?’ said Justin, propping himself up and tickling me on the nose with a leaf.
    I caught my breath. ‘Nowhere,’ I said, looking at his lovely open face, and feeling dreadful. ‘Nowhere. I mean, leaving school.’
    ‘Course you do,’ he said, kissing me on the stomach. ‘There’s tons of good stuff coming up.’
    ‘Pff,’ I said.
    ‘I love you,’ he whispered.
    ‘ What did you just say?’ I sat bolt