Emma's Secret: A Novel

specialists I see, I’ll eventually forget who I am and who I love.
    I hope I die before that happens. God forgive me, but I hope I do. I’m sorry, Jack. I know we made a promise, but the thought of living a life lost within myself scares me.
    I hope Jack will read these journals one day when I’m completely lost to him and understand, even when I don’t.

    Jack pushed open the restroom door with his elbow and wiped his hands on his pants. He grimaced in disgust at the wet marks along the sides of his legs.
    “Papa!”
    Jack’s head shot up. Emmie’s voice filled the store as she shouted his name again.
    “Papa!”
    He had to be hallucinating. There was no way Emmie would be here. Maybe he was having a heart attack and this was his punishment in purgatory—hearing his girl call out to him.
    Except why would he feel her tiny arms wrapped around his leg, squeezing tighter than the fist in his heart?
    When he glanced down, he saw a little piece of heaven in her crystal-clear blue eyes. Her hair was longer and curled only at the ends, and she seemed a bit more grown-up than the last time he saw her. A little wiser around the eyes. But she was still his baby girl. His Emmie.
    Jack’s arms reached down, and he gathered his angel close. He rubbed his cheek against her hair and inhaled a soft vanilla scent. If he died right now, he’d die a happy man, ready to see his Dottie and let her know their girl was all right.
    “Papa! I missed you so much!” Emmie’s face lifted, and the smile that beamed from cheek to cheek warmed his cold heart. Just her smile seemed to wake him up inside, filling him with hope. With love.
    Jack knelt down but didn’t release his hold on his baby girl. Instead, he gathered her closer and lifted her up, not caring about the stress on his back. She felt lighter in his arms than he remembered, and that worried him.
    “Emmie-mine, what are you doing here? Where are your parents?” He lifted his eyes from her piercing gaze to scan the room. Surely, her parents had to be here somewhere, and no doubt they would not be pleased to see her in his arms. He knew he wouldn’t be if the situation were reversed.
    Emmie twisted in his arms and pointed to the lone man standing across the room with a shocked look on his face. “I’m on a date with my daddy. He bought me a chocolate donut with sprinkles. Come see, Papa.” Her eyes suddenly widened, and she pointed down to the floor. “Oh, no, I dropped my donut,” she whispered.
    Jack gave the woman at the counter a slight nod. “It’s okay, sweetie. We’ll get you another one. Don’t worry.” He stroked her back in tiny circles and reminded himself to remember this, having her in his arms once again. He had a feeling the moment he let go, he’d lose her all over again.
    Knowing it was the right thing to do, Jack walked toward Emmie’s father. The hesitation in his steps must have been evident, but there was nothing he could do about that. Watching her walk away the last time had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and having to do it again wouldn’t make it any easier.
    “Daddy”—Emmie twisted in his arms—“now Papa can be on our date too!” Her voice sang with happiness.
    Jack saw the look in her father’s eyes and knew the feeling was not mutual. He didn’t blame him. Jack cleared his throat but the words wouldn’t come.
    Someone else cleared his throat as well.
    “Jack?”
    He turned to find Doug standing beside him.
    “Is this…?”
    Jack nodded. “This is my Emmie girl,” he managed to whisper past the large rock lodged in his throat. He was not going to cry. Not here. Not now. Not with his girl in his arms and her father looking on.
    Doug nodded and smiled. “Well, sweetheart, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Your grandpa sure has missed you.”
    “Excuse me?”
    Jack turned toward Emmie’s father and sighed. He hated to let her go, but he knew he had to. He wasn’t sure how, though. His arms refused to unlock from around her small frame.
    “Come sit down, Papa.” Emmie wiggled against him. She held tight to his hand, not letting him go as she dragged him over to the table where her father stood.
    “This is the best date ever, Daddy! I can’t believe that Papa is here, in our donut shop! I’m so excited!” She chattered away as the two men stood still, eyeing each other before they both sat down in unison.
    Both men remained silent while Emmie babbled, picking at the sprinkles on the new