Ghost Time

she’d come up with. We had at least twenty La Marxiste soundtracks, and some days we spent the whole time listening to a new playlist and talking about what actress could play Violaine in the movie. I was thinking Taylor Momsen or Emma Watson, maybe, if she can do anAmerican accent, but she’s so big, we talked about finding a complete unknown. This is a role that’s going to make her a star, whoever she is , Mel said, and I laughed, and she was like, What? I mean, I totally agreed, but it was just funny. These days, Mel’s the only person who can make me laugh, and seeing her is the only thing keeping me sane. Or as close I get, at least.
    The one thing that’s really hard with her is that all I wanted to do after school was to forget about school, and when we’re together, all Mel wants to hear about is my day and what high school’s like. Mel’s completely obsessed with high school, just like I was, until I became a freshman. She wants details so badly, too. If it were up to Melody, I would’ve been wired up with a video camera, filming my every move—which I feel like I am, actually, but I never tell her about that. Me and Knox, we have an agreement that we don’t talk about that with her, because… because I don’t want her involved, that’s why. Anyhow.
    Mel loves watching reality shows on MTV. Teen Mom, My Super Sweet 16. Anything with teenagers, and then she’ll ask me if it’s true. Is it really like this? God, I’d love to sit in a desk, just once , she said. Walk down the halls, carrying my books, have people bump into me, not noticing me because I’m a freshman. Buying new school supplies, getting a new locker , and I go, I know what you mean, but believe me, the excitement wears thin before you even learn your combination.
    She goes, It’s not just school, it’s everything, Thea. I want to know how it feels to skin your knee, to climb trees, to cry yourself to sleep over some guy who was a total dick to you—. I go, Yep, you’re really missing out And she goes, I am! I am missing out! We’d reached that point where she could be joking, half joking, or she could be angry. I didn’t know where we’d fall, or what to say. Not because I was afraid of her being angry, really, I just didn’t always know how to deal with it. I mean, I barely knew how to deal with my own anger, you know? So I didn’t say anything, and she got quiet.
    I could tell she’d been wanting to ask me something, and then she finally did. She goes, You aren’t popular, are you, Thea? I go, Whatever gave you that impression? And she goes, Because if you were, why would you be here, with me? I cocked my head at her, like, Stop. You know you could be, if you wanted to , she said, and I go, Mel, I don’t care about being popular, I really don’t. I used to, but not anymore. Mel said, Wouldn’t school be so much easier if you had friends? I shook my head no and said, Mel, I had friends, and believe me, it wasn’t easier. She goes, Why don’t you try, at least? I said, Because I’m not like you. Social , I said, clarifying. Yeah, I’m so social , she said, look at me. I go, You are, Mel, you’re much more outgoing than I am, even if I’m the only person who knows that. Tell me why , she said. Seriously, Thea, why don’t you have any friends?
    I knew she wasn’t going to drop it, so I decided to get it over with, tell her what happened. I go, I don’t try anymore because I had friends, or people I thought were my friends, but turned out, they weren’t. Those girls weren’t my friends at all, and so it’s just easier to hang on my own, instead of pretending. I mean, everything changed after I met Cam, but I don’t know… some people are good at school or sports or singing, and some people are good at people, and I’m not good at any of those things, I said. AndI’m okay with that. Really, I’ve made my peace. She goes, What happened? Tell me, Thee , she said, and I knew she wouldn’t drop it, ever, so I finally told her.
    I said, It’s hard to explain, but last year, freshman year, I got the flu and I missed a slumber party, and I guess some things were said about me. I don’t know what, really, but by Monday morning, my friends didn’t like me anymore. She goes, Wait, because you missed a party, your friends didn’t like you? I said, It doesn’t really make sense, but wait. Let me just tell you what happened, and then you can ask, all right? All right , she said. I go, Because that’s how