Ghost Time

it happens with girls sometimes. One night, someone smells blood, and they all get in on it. And the thing is, these girls, this group of girls, I told them lots of things about myself. So they knew where I was coming from, and they did it anyway, they kicked me out of the circle. I thought if I pretended nothing had happened, that I didn’t notice anything different, they’d forget about not liking me, and things would go back to normal. Then, about a month later, we all went to a party, and I thought we were all friends again, and I was so happy, and then someone spiked my drink. I honestly don’t remember anything that happened after that, but I found out I was hanging all over the guys, taking my shirt off, dancing on a table. My friends, the girls I thought were my friends, knew who did it, but they never told. Because they were already in so much trouble for what went down at the party, I said.
    Mel didn’t know what to say, because it was one of those situations she doesn’t understand. And I could tell she felt like sheshould really say something, but it was one of those moments when you realize no matter how much teen drama you watch on TV, that doesn’t help at all when it’s happening to you, when the problem is real and even your best friend doesn’t have a clue how to help. Finally, she spoke up: So what you’re saying is you weren’t always a loser? Is that what you’re telling me, Thee? No, I said, trying to laugh off her teasing. Believe it or not, I was popular once. For a long time, but… I said, shrugging: that was then, and this is now.
    After that party, it was such a mess at school, I quit sitting with my friends, quit going to the cafeteria at lunch. I’d find a corner in the library and draw, I said, and Mel goes, So they’re still in school with you? These girls? And I go, Yep, I see them every day. We still say hi, whatever, I said, but rolling my eyes, because it was so fake. Did they ever apologize? she said. For lying about the boys? No. Never, I said. Actually, they got really hostile with me for a while after they lied. Like they were trying to convince themselves it was my fault, that I was the one who lied about the guys who spiked my drink, saying that I showed up at the party screwed up. I mean, they’d practically hiss, seeing me in the hall. My so-called friends, I said.
    The next morning, Saturday morning, after that party, I woke up, and I felt awful . Not just hungover, different. I thought I had a flu, maybe, and I told my mom I had the flu again, and she looked at me, and she didn’t believe me, but she couldn’t be certain. So she told me to stay in bed, but she wasn’t really as sweet as she is when she knows I’m sick-sick, you know? But I was definitelysick, and I stayed in bed all day. So I didn’t notice, really, until Sunday that no one called me all day. Not a text, nothing. And then, by Sunday night, no one answered my calls, either.
    Monday, heading to Stella’s locker, when they turned to look at me—all three of them, Leila, Stella, Danielle—I knew it was over. I was out, but the thing is, I couldn’t remember anything about Friday night, after we got to the party. I remember drinking a beer, and that’s it. The rest is a blur. And whatever I did, I just wanted someone to tell me, you know? Like no matter how awful, no matter how totally mortifying it was, I wanted to hear it, because it was actually worse not knowing. So when they three of them turned their heads, looking at me, and I said, Hey, I saw it pass through them. This current of… hatred.
    It’s one thing I’d never ever wish on you, knowing how that feels, I said. If I’m grateful for anything, it’s that you could never be hurt like that. She goes, That’s not a silver lining. And if I could walk, I wouldn’t care , she said. Yes, you would, I said. You’d just be able to walk. It’s humiliating, Mel: that’s the part I wouldn’t want you to feel, I said. Because I wouldn’t know about that, would I? she said. I said, That’s not what I mean, Mel, and she goes, No, but it’s true, and you know what I’m saying. I go, I know what you’re saying, all right. And I’m not trying to compare, I’m just trying to tell you that I wouldn’t want anyone to be mean to you, I said. Melody didn’t say anything, and I knew I was digging a deeper hole.
    So what happened after that? she said, wanting to hear the end of the story. I go, Nobody talked to me most of the