Ghost Time

starting over. Also, the mother’s just gone back to medical school; she’s in her first year, I think, and her son’s in high school, so it’s all about them going through the same struggles, or parallels between their lives, whatever. I’d never seen it, but Mom turned it on while we were sitting on the couch together, eating the pizza she picked up.
    There’s this scene where the woman’s at school, working late on a lab or something, then there’s this whole thing where one of the other students, who’s obviously like ten years younger thanthe mom is, has the hots for her—so predictable. I shouldn’t have rolled my eyes, I know, because my mom likes it, but it’s dumb, and I couldn’t help it. I know my mom deserves a few simple pleasures, and I have no right to be critical of my own mother, but it’s stupid. I mean, why, when we could watch a good movie, did we have to watch this crap?
    Anyhow, the woman’s son has a girl over to study the night his mom’s working late, and I mean, come on, who ever has anyone over to study in their bedroom? Anyhow, the girl—they’re both supposed to be my age—and the girl, who’s blonde and looks like she’s about twenty-five, even though you know for a fact, in real life, a girl that hot would not be dating scrawny high school boys, but whatever. They’re in his room—I remember, his name’s Cody, the son’s name is Cody. They’re sitting in Cody’s room, the two of them, with their books open, and the girl’s sitting on the floor, and Cody’s sitting on his bed, and then you see the girl look up from her book at Cody, who’s got his nose in the book, studying. Like, he’s all, Gotta keep that GPA up, get into the right school, who has time for sex? Please. So I’m trying not to roll my eyes, I really am, but it’s so lame.
    Then the girl, she looks up at Cody like she’s ready to pounce. I mean, she looks at him like, here comes sex kitten, ready or not. So she closes her book, ready to make a move, and she crawls over to the bed on all fours, gets up close to him, right in his face and then, trying to sound all sultry, the girl says, Tell me what you want me to do to you. Honestly, when she said that, I totally burst out laughing. And it wasn’t nerves, because I felt uncomfortable, watching some teen sex scene with my momthere; I laughed because it was so stupid, that’s why. I was just like, Ohmygod, I wish Cam were here….
    You know what’s true? For me, at least. The truth is, the first time with Cam, the whole time, all I could think was, Am I doing this right? Do you like this? What should I do? My head, all four limbs, two hands, my whole body felt like two left feet. And if I was sweaty, it was because I was so nervous! I mean, show me that —show me the real girl. You have writers, you have actors, you have camera crews, so why is it so hard to tell the truth?
    I don’t know. Hopefully, you get better with age. But still, deep down, don’t you always carry that fifteen-year-old boy and girl around, and don’t they come out when you really like a person, if you truly want to please them? I mean, wouldn’t it be sad to lose that first time, altogether?

TUESDAY, MAY 17, 2011
    (SIX WEEKS LATER)
    6:15 PM
    Every time I think about it, it blows me away how much Mel’s never seen or heard before. I mean, can you imagine never having heard the Smiths? Seriously, Mel told me, in their house, music begins and ends with the Indigo Girls, and I was just like, Are you kidding me? I hate to say it, but I don’t think cerebral palsy’s her only disability; I think it’s that she’s been deprived of so much art and film and music her whole life.
    I mean, driving home, Knox reached to turn up the radio, and Mel goes, Please don’t , and I laughed, and I told him what she said, Please don’t, and he lowered his hand, looking in the rearview, and he goes, Thea, can you—I need you to give me a sign when she’s speaking. It’s driving me nuts, and I go, It’s driving you nuts? Knox goes, Could you just, I don’t know, raise your hand when Melody’s speaking? I go, What, like, How, white man? He goes, I don’t care if you want to stand on one leg and rub yourstomach, just do something so I know who’s talking, okay? I go, Okay, okay, and I thought about it. How about one hand? I raise one hand, I said, raising my right, and that means I’m talking for Mel. And he goes, Great. Perfect, and I was like, Cool.
    I sighed, and then