If I Tell

the breath out of me, and I pushed to get him off. He rolled over and up onto his elbow. His dark skin, even darker in the shadows, made mine look pale, almost white. I stared at it, aching.
    “What are you playin’ at?” He sat up, rubbing his bald head.
    I blinked back fresh tears and bit my lip but didn’t answer.
    He pushed himself off the bed, shaking his head. “You’re a tease.” He swore as he zipped up his pants. I didn’t even know they’d been undone. “You’re lucky, you know. Not everyone would stop after the way you were leading me on.”
    I swallowed hard to keep bile inside. “Thank you,” I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster.
    “Shit.” He shook his head again and coughed. “I forget how young you are sometimes. Seventeen.”
    I sat up and hugged my arms around myself.
    The corner of his top lip turned upward. He reached for my hand. “Not many chicks are still innocent at your age. I kind of like it. I guess I can wait for you. For a little while.”
    I pulled away, pretending to scratch behind my back.
    “Don’t worry. This wasn’t a onetime thing,” he said softly. “I’m into you.”
    I shook my head quickly back and forth. No. It was definitely a onetime thing. Alcohol induced. I wanted no part of doing that again. My head swam from the amount I’d drunk. So much for forgetting my problems. I’d just made them worse.
    As I got up, the charms on my bracelet clanged softly against each other. I hoped dead people couldn’t see what was happening. Grandpa Joe would have keeled over at my behavior. Well, keeled over again.
    “You need a drink?” Nathan asked.
    “No,” I said quickly. “Go on down. I’ll be there in a minute or so.” My cheeks flamed, and I willed him to go away.
    He leaned over to kiss me, but I turned my head so he kissed my cheek. “I’ll meet you downstairs,” I repeated.
    “Sure. Okay.”
    He reached for my hand. “We’ll finish this.”
    I flinched. As soon as he closed the door, I ran to the bathroom, barely reaching the toilet before the contents of my stomach spewed out.
    Great. Just great.
    After cleaning up, I tiptoed through the hallway to the kitchen back entrance. My bare feet hit cold pavement and I winced. It didn’t matter. Grandma would kill me, but I’d rather go home shoeless than face anyone inside the house.
    I stumbled, my fuzzy head struggling to focus in the cool of the night air.
    I concentrated on walking forward, shivering and wrapping my arms around myself. The pavement was a cold reminder of what a bad idea running away in my bare feet was. I had more than two miles to walk. In a T-shirt and jeans and no shoes.
    Stupid. I didn’t even have my cell. I’d left it in my backpack in Nathan’s car. The lights from an oncoming car shone behind me. I hunched my shoulders, trying to be invisible and willing the driver not to notice me.
    The headlights glowed bright. A surge of panic raced through me. The car slowed as it approached.

chapter five
    The car pulled up beside me. I picked up my pace until I was on the verge of breaking into a run.
    “Hey. Slow down. You’re going to freeze to death,” a voice yelled.
    “Get lost,” I snapped without looking up. Great. To top off my night, I’d be killed on the side of the road by a serial killer or something. I tried to remember if there’d been any reports of killers in the news.
    “Hello? I’m trying to save you from freezing to death.”
    I recognized the voice.
    “Jackson?” I stopped walking and peered into the driver’s seat of the car. “What are you doing here?”
    “I’m a regular knight,” he said. “Come on, get in.” He put the car in park.
    I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered, but I didn’t move.
    Jackson stuck his head out the open window and peered at my feet. “You don’t have shoes on. Come on. Get in the car.”
    “Congratulations,” I told him. “You win the award as the most observant person on the planet.”
    My feet stayed firmly on the ground even though my mouth was flapping in the cold Washington wind. We hadn’t had any snow in a while, and it was a pretty warm year, but the air was still cold.
    He swore softly under his breath and then opened his car door, shot out to the road, and stood in front of me.
    He put a hand gently on my back. “I’ll take you home, okay?” He pushed, but I dug my toes into the cement, resisting him, and shook my head back and forth.
    “You’re not a very agreeable