Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

but five loaves!” shouted Judas.
    “Judas, once there was a rich man, who built great barns and granaries so he could save all of the fruits of his wealth long into his old age. But on the very day his barns were finished, the Lord said, “Hey, we need you up here.” And the rich man did say, “Oh shit, I’m dead.” So what good did his stuff do him?”
    “Huh?”
    “Don’t worry about what you’re going to eat.”
    Nathaniel, Bart, and Thomas started off to their assigned duty, but Maggie grabbed Nathaniel and held him fast. “No,” she said. “No one does anything until you promise us that you’ll go into hiding after this sermon.”
    Joshua smiled. “How can I hide, Maggie? Who will spread the Word? Who will heal the sick?”
    “We will,” Maggie continued. “Now promise. Go into the land of the gentiles, out of Herod’s reach, just until things calm down. Promise or we don’t move.” Peter and Andrew stepped up behind Maggie to show their support. John and James were nodding as she spoke.
    “So be it,” said Joshua. “But now we have hungry people to feed.”
    And we fed them. The loaves and the fish were multiplied, jars were brought in from the surrounding villages and filled with water, which was carried to the mountainside, and all the while the local Pharisees watched and growled and spied, but they hadn’t missed the healings, and they didn’t miss the Sermon on the Mount, and word of it went back to Jerusalem with their poison reports.
    Afterward, at the spring by the shore, I gathered up the last of the pieces of bread to take home with us. Joshua came down the shore with a basket over his head, then pulled it off when he got to me.
    “When we said we wanted you to hide we meant something a little less obvious, Joshua. Great sermon, by the way.”
    Joshua started helping me gather up the bread that was strewn around on the ground. “I wanted to talk to you and I couldn’t get away from the crowd without hiding under the basket. I’m having a little trouble preaching humility.”
    “You’re so good at that one. People line up to hear the humility sermon.”
    “How can I preach that the humble will be exalted and the exalted will be humbled at the same time I’m being exalted by four thousand people?”
    “Bodhisattva, Josh. Remember what Gaspar taught you about being a bodhisattva. You don’t have to be humble, because you are denying your own ascension by bringing the good news to other people. You’re out of the humility flow, so to speak.”
    “Oh yeah.” He smiled.
    “But now that you mention it,” I said, “it does seem a little hypocritical.”
    “I’m not proud of that.”
    “Then you’re okay.”

    That evening, when we had all gathered again in Capernaum, Joshua called us to the fire ring in front of Peter’s house and we watched the last gold of the sunlight reflecting on the lake as Joshua led us in a prayer of thanks.
    Then he made the call: “Okay, who wants to be an apostle?”
    “I do, I do,” said Nathaniel. “What’s an apostle?”
    “That’s a guy who makes drugs,” I said.
    “Me, me,” said Nathaniel. “I want to make drugs.”
    “I’ll try that,” said John.
    “That’s an apothecary,” said Matthew. “An apothecary mixes powders and makes drugs. Apostle means ‘to send off.’”
    “Is this kid a whiz, or what,” I said, pointing a thumb at Matthew.
    “That’s right,” said Joshua, “messengers. You’ll be sent off to spread the message that the kingdom has come.”
    “Isn’t that what we’re doing now?” asked Peter.
    “No, now you’re disciples, but I want to appoint apostles who will take the Word into the land. There will be twelve, for the twelve tribes of Israel. I’ll give you power to heal, and power over devils. You’ll be like me, only in a different outfit. You’ll take nothing with you except your clothes. You’ll live only off the charity of those you preach to. You’ll be on your own, like sheep among wolves. People will persecute you and spit on you, and maybe beat you, and if that happens, well, it happens. Shake off the dust and move on. Now, who’s with me?”
    And there was a roaring silence among the disciples.
    “How about you, Maggie?”
    “I’m not much of a traveler, Josh. Makes me nauseous. Disciple’s fine with me.”
    “How ’bout you, Biff?”
    “I’m good. Thanks.”
    Joshua stood up and just counted them off. “Nathaniel, Peter, Andrew, Philip, James, John,