Left for Garbage

offers are already astounding and Salvatore says to just wait till I’m free. He says we’ll both be millionaires before the first month is out.
    It’s hard to think of all the good things that are coming my way right now , though, because the weather is all gray outside, which matches the gross jail gray inside and makes it even worse here, especially in the common area. I hate overcast weather. Fortunately we don’t get much of it in Florida and I don’t think California gets much either, and I’m glad because I’ll probably be living there part of the time after the trial for sure, while my movie is being made, anyway. I usually spend bad weather days writing in my journal, but even that isn’t private, so I am always careful about what I write, especially now, as everything I say is always misconstrued. If this is what it’s like for all the big celebrities out there, I relate and I sympathize.
    It’s a waiting game now in regard to my trial. It’s still on hold as the slow-moving court system processes all their so-ca lled new evidence. Two-thousand-ten is around the corner and I’ll be spending another Christmas away from home. My desire to go home doesn’t necessarily mean home to my parent’s house any longer, though. I just want out of here so bad I can taste it. I’ll find a new home. This will scar me for life but I have to move on.
    My last arrest, over a year ago on October 14, 2008, happened on a day, ironically, that I’d called nine-one-one to report a demonstrator who was abusing my father. Instead, they came and ar rested me. I’ve been here since and it feels like forever.
    I told Salvatore last week that I’ve always hated clowns. I never owned or wanted a clown doll around me. I liked the circus, but never looked at the clowns, as even the happy ones are spooky and always scared me. I’m now surrounded by clowns in this big circus in my life, meaning the prosecution, the judge, the media, the public. Nothing but clowns.
    There’s talk of a Deeley tribute doll, from what I’ve heard, and I’m sure everyone’s heard about the hick from Alabama who’s selling Denise Brown voodoo dolls on eBay.
    S o I’ll keep praying for myself and continue to visit with the chaplain. Everyone sees the difference in me. In fact, they’re saying I’m glowing. God is constantly telling me to keep it together and not lose faith. I look at my picture of Deeley and some days I can’t stop the tears; and others, well, I can’t stop giggling and smiling because she is so beautiful.
    And so was Aaron.

Aaron Garrey
    (Sometime boyfriend of Denise Brown)

    It’s been over a year-and-a-half now since I last saw Denise Brown and if I never see her again that would suit me just fine. However, I’m notified by the Florida court to be on standby for whenever that girl’s murder trial commences.
    Yes, definitely, I’ve seen the updates on the news. I saw where her baby was found and I now have a better idea why Denise wanted those gas cans. It’s like a horror story I’ve stepped back to watch, utterly amazed this girl was ever in my bedroom.
    What was sex like with Denise? Seems everybody wants to know, so I will tell you it was hot and heavy, nothing more than pure animal sex, and we spent over 90% of our time in the bedroom. But that was sex - this is life and death.
    I was glad to see the back of her when I found out her baby had been missing while she was partying with me , and now just the mention of her name makes me feel like I want to vomit in my mouth. I mean, along with everybody else on the planet I saw the pictures of Deeley’s skull and the tape and the garbage bag, all of it. Jesus, it creeps me out.
    What has all this meant to my life so far? Well, there are some ups and some downs, like people would expect. I mean, I’m not the new Eminem yet, if that’s what you mean, but I’m not exactly anonymous either, if you know what I’m saying. I’m looking over some offers.
    It’s not all good , though. You know, I mean, some chicks aren’t as into the whole fame thing as I might have expected and my asshole buddies give me far too much shit about having been with Denise. Also, it’s messed up that we never made a tape. When I consider the money that losah Ray J made for pissing on Kim Kardashian, it makes me sick.
    One thing for sure, I’m not about to change who I am over any of this. I’m still a party promoter, and I mix CDs and spin records, and I’m devoting most of my