Lifesaving for Beginners

magnificent surge of relief, as if everything will be all right now. Mrs Higginbotham knows and she’ll fix it. She’ll make it right. But then she nods and returns to the sink and says, ‘Gargle with hot water and salt,’ or ‘Fill a hot water bottle and have an early night,’ or ‘I told you not to eat between meals.’
    Two months to go.
    My belly is hard. And the deep well of my bellybutton is gone. It’s stretched across my stomach. There is movement. I don’t look down when that happens. I don’t put my hand on my belly when that happens. I put a tape in my Walkman. Turn the volume up and up. If I’m in my room and Mum is not in the house, I sing along. I’m really bad at singing. I close my eyes and sing along at the top of my voice.
    Two months till the exams. The Intermediate Examination. We talk about fourth year. We’ll be seniors then. We’ll wear blue jumpers and we’ll be allowed on the blue stairs that are currently off limits to third years like us.
    We don’t talk about it, Minnie and me. I think it’s because we don’t know what to say. We don’t know what to do.
    Instead, we slag each other.
    ‘Is that a face on your spot?’
    ‘Givvus a match.’
    ‘My arse and your face.’
    ‘Fat bitch.’
    ‘Spotty cow.’
    ‘Givvus a fag.’
    ‘Kenny Everett.’
    We laugh. We laugh all the time. Sometimes we laugh so hard that we cry. That’s the only time I cry. When I laugh so hard.

 
    Faith says, ‘I liked your note.’
    I say, ‘I didn’t want you to worry.’
    Faith says, ‘You spelled responsibilities wrong.’
    I say, ‘Miss Williams hasn’t done that word with us yet.’
    We are on the plane. It hasn’t taken off yet, which is good because taking off happens to be my favourite bit. The stewardess is showing us how to fasten the seatbelt. I check mine. It’s fastened. I tighten it as much as it will go but it’s still loose. I look at Faith, wondering if I should tell her, but she is looking out of the window.
    My second favourite bit is when the plane goes into the clouds and then out the other side, where the sky is blue and the clouds below look like snow. Proper snow. Not like the stuff a week ago. Me and Damo made a snowman but it was really small. There’s no such things as leprechauns but Americans think there are. They’re really small. And green. Our snowman was like that, except he wasn’t green. More like a dirty white.
    I feel under the seat with my hand but I can’t find the life jacket. Maybe there are two under Faith’s seat. The stewardess says that adults have to attend to their own life jacket first, before the kids’. I expect I’d be able to put on my own one. If I had one. I don’t know about Faith, though. She’s still looking out of the window. She hasn’t listened to a single word the stewardess has said. I hope we don’t crash. I really do.
    I don’t think the woman knows we are coming to see her. I don’t think Faith has a plan. Having a plan saves lives. That’s what Coach says.
    Now the stewardess is walking down the plane. She’s checking to see everybody has their seatbelt on and I pull up my jacket so she can see my belt, which is fastened as tight as it will go but is still a bit loose. She stops at our row and smiles at me. She doesn’t even check my seatbelt.
    She says, ‘Hello, there.’ Her teeth are very long and very white and she is wearing a necklace that says ‘Angela’. I bet that’s her name.
    She moves past our row, without even glancing at my belt. I pull on the strap again but it’s definitely as tight as it will go.
    After the runway bit and the going up through the clouds bit, I’m bored. I forgot to pack Dark Days , the fourth Skulduggery Pleasant book, which is actually turning out to be just as good as the third one. Damo says reading’s for nerds but Ant is always reading and he’s not a nerd. He’s had about a hundred girlfriends and he never studies.
    George Pullman said he flew to America once and everyone on the plane had their own telly and you could watch whatever you liked. I don’t believe him. He said his dad was an astronaut but me and Damo saw him with his dad in Pizza Hut once and his dad was wearing a dark suit, like an undertaker. Undertakers are people who sell coffins. They wear dark suits.
    Faith says, ‘What’s wrong with you?’
    I say, ‘Nothing.’
    She says, ‘You haven’t asked me if we’re there yet.’
    I shrug, as if it’s nothing.
    Faith says, ‘Well, we