Light in the Shadows

meet with the guidance counselor to go over some stuff,” I said and she tried to cover up her disappointment. 
                    “Okay then.  I guess I’ll talk to you later.”  I inclined my head in agreement and waited until she was inside her classroom before turning to Daniel who still stood there, arms crossed over his chest.
                    “So much for not opening that book again, huh?” he asked me and for once there wasn’t any anger in his tone.  He seemed almost resigned. 
                    “Yeah, well.  You know how it goes.” Okay, that didn’t answer shit.  But I really didn’t feel like getting into the touchy feely saga with Daniel Lowe.  That would go over like a lead balloon.
                    Daniel leaned against the doorframe and cocked an eyebrow.  “Yeah, actually I do know how it goes.”  Surprisingly we had a moment of understanding flicker between us and for the first time ever, I felt like Daniel and I got each other on some level.  Maybe being with Rachel had mellowed him out more than I thought.
                    Daniel pushed himself off the wall.  “Guess I’ll be seeing you around then,” was all he said before joining Maggie and the rest of the students in their English class. 
                    Huh.  That was the most normal conversation I’ve ever had with the guy. 
                    The rest of the day passed without issue or drama.  Which was an amazing feet in high school.  My meeting with the guidance counselor at lunch time proved to be a bit more anxiety inducing.  I was happy to learn I wasn’t as behind in school as I originally thought.  Thanks mostly to the hefty amount of work I completed while at the Grayson Center.
                    The problem began when Mr. Hunt started to ask what my plans were for after graduation.  I had sat there, my mouth hanging open, with no way of answering him.  Because I wasn’t in the habit of thinking much beyond tomorrow, let alone putting on paper what I wanted out of my life.
                    For the longest time all I cared about was getting through the day.  When your every breath was an effort, that quickly became the extent of your expectations.  But now, with the end of my high school career looming in front of me like a giant neon sign, I realized I had never taken the time to develop…well…actual goals.
                    I did decently in school, when I was paying attention and focused.   My GPA wasn’t anything fantastic, but it didn’t suck either.  So when Mr. Hunt started to throw out words like community college and university, I felt blindsided. 
                    For a guy with no thoughts for the future, it was expected that it was time I started figuring some shit out. 
                  I left the guidance department with my bag stuffed full of brochures.  Crap.  College.  Then I realized I didn’t know what Maggie’s plans were for after we graduated.  Of course she would be going away somewhere but we hadn’t discussed it. 
                    And there was the panic again.  It overtook me so quickly I barely had time to register the full blown attack that swept through my body.  I pushed my way into the bathroom at the end of the corridor.  It was thankfully empty. 
                    The one time I might consider taking one of the anxiety pills Dr. Todd had prescribed and I had left the damn things at home.
                    I braced myself on the edge of the sink and tried to get my breathing under control.  I looked up at my reflection and winced at the white pallor of my skin.  I turned the tap on and splashed my face with ice cold water.  My heart slammed with force inside my chest and my throat constricted painfully.
                    Reframe, focus, go to my calm place.  God damn it!  Don’t do this!  Not here! 
                    “Fuck, man, are you okay?”  I had the shittiest luck on the planet. 
                    Daniel stood just inside the door to the guys’ bathroom and I knew he was staring at me.  I clenched my eyes shut and willed him away.  Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll take the hint.  Or maybe I should just advertise my fresh round of crazy with Maggie’s best friend and get it over