Now That Hes Gone

concentration camp survivors, getting them food and shelter. One day, she looked up from her work and there, standing before her was the emaciated, half-starved shell of a man who had been arrested and taken away years before. It was her husband, David. Her parents had been gassed, but David, who was young and could work, had survived.
    In 1948, realizing how little opportunity there was for them in Europe, Rhoda and David emigrated to the United States, where he had some family. After a while, David had occasion to visit California. When he returned home to Rhoda, he announced that he had “found paradise” and wanted to move there. So they did.
    Making use of their university degrees, Rhoda and David both found professional work: she teaching Hebrew and he as a school principal. While holding down these jobs, they also bought several in-patient homes for the mentally disabled. For years, they worked from 5:00 AM to midnight, struggling to make the convalescent homes profitable as well as keeping up the responsibilities of their regular jobs.
    When David died suddenly at the age of 73, Rhoda decided to sell the homes, but not to stop working. She immediately got a job teaching Spanish. She also continued to run the convalescent homes as an employee, rather than an owner, just to make sure they would be profitable for the people who had bought her out.
    “I believe that being busy and moving on with my life saved my life,” Rhoda says. “Keeping your brain exercised is the key. The brain is a muscle which atrophies if not used.” Yes, I know the brain is not a muscle, but I also know better than to argue with Rhoda.
    Muscle or not, her brain gets a lot of exercise. She is very interested in politics and gives generously of her time and money to causes she believes in. She is a member of a Hungarian charity group and a creative arts organization. She reads voraciously and loves Vanity Fair, Newsweek and the New York Times.
    Rhoda says she does not allow negative thoughts to stay in her head. “I don't dwell on bad things, but rather focus on all the wonderful gifts I have in my life today.” When I told her I was writing a book for women who find themselves on their own in mid-life, she told me to advise my readers to always stay in action. “It's important to have the right intention. You need to have a good idea of what you want to do, or at least how you want to feel. But your intention must be accompanied by action. Even the best intentions amount to nothing but air unless you take action on them.”
What Does “Success” Mean to You?
    In this chapter we've looked at how men and women define success differently. We've seen how two very different women made successes of their lives and their widowhood by actualizing their intentions with action. Now comes an important question: How will you define your success? By counting your achievements and possessions, as most men do? By focusing on your feelings and relationships, as most women do? Or in some completely different way that's unique to you?

    Regardless of what success means to you, the lesson we've learned from the women whose lives we've seen is clear: Make a decision, form an intention and then take the appropriate action. Let's say you make a decision to go back to work—but as a volunteer, not for the money. That's step one. Next, you form the intention to help people in some sort of need. That's step two, and it's admirable. But it amounts to, in Rhoda's words, “nothing but air” unless you get up and start doing something about it. Start your research. Make phone calls. Go out on interviews. Meet the people you'll be working with. Learn new skills. Get up to speed on the latest technology. Action. That's what will propel you into your next life—a life that can be full of challenge and fulfillment, happiness and success.
    My friend Ellen, the nearly-90 dynamo, sums it up best: “It's important to believe that there is something you can do right now to make your life better. You can have any life you want. But you have to go get it. You can't sit at home and wait for the life you want to come to you. It takes effort. It takes action. It takes commitment.”
    And finally, the most important question of all: What's keeping you from taking action right now?
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Chapter 9 – You Can Always Take Care of Yourself
    Old ideas die hard. One very old idea that refuses to die is the notion that a woman needs a man to