One Perfect Summer

total shock when I found out you’d met someone else. The thought of seeing you with another guy nearly killed me . . . I had to get away from there as quickly as possible. I . . . I . . . wasn’t in a good place.’ He uses that phrase again. ‘I tried to forget about you after that, but there were times when the thought of you consumed me.’
    ‘I know what you mean,’ I say sadly. ‘It was the same for me.’
    ‘There were other times I tried to track you down. Every so often I’d look you up on Facebook, search through all the Alice Simmons I could find.’
    ‘I’m not on Facebook. Lizzy was always trying to get me to join. I’ll never hear the end of it when she discovers you did that.’
    Lukas despises social networking sites. He considers them vulgar.
    But certain things still need clarifying. ‘Why did you leave Dorset so suddenly?’ I ask. ‘I went upstairs to pack and when I came downstairs you were gone.’
    He sighs. ‘Your dad told me I needed to sort myself out before I contacted you again.’
    ‘ What? ’
    ‘He was right,’ he says hurriedly. ‘Don’t blame him. I didn’t want to screw up your life at university. And what happened that night . . . with Ryan . . .’ He shudders. ‘It still gives me nightmares.’
    ‘Me too.’
    ‘Does it?’ He looks distraught. ‘I’m so sorry.’
    ‘It’s not your fault,’ I say firmly.
    ‘I should have told you the truth about him. I’m so sorry I lied to you.’
    ‘I understood. I forgave you the second you told me.’
    His face darkens as he stares ahead and picks up his pace. I have to hurry to keep up with him – but he seems oblivious. ‘Sometimes I think about seeing him again,’ he says in a low voice.
    I pause before asking: ‘What would you do?’
    ‘I think I’d fucking kick his head in.’
    I jolt at his language and he realises he might be freaking me out.
    He looks apologetic. ‘Sorry.’
    I don’t speak.
    We reach the gorse walkway and scramble down the steep incline to the grassy hill. The sea is rough and grey. We stand there for a moment and stare at the view. It’s the middle of winter and the place is deserted apart from a couple of lone dog walkers on the cliffs in the distance.
    ‘Can we go to the ledge?’ he asks me abruptly.
    ‘Sure.’
    ‘Let’s run,’ he says with a grin, taking off down the steep hill. I laugh and follow him, the momentum propelling my legs at such a fast pace that I don’t know how I’ll stop at the bottom. Somehow I do. I’m in stitches – literally – and I’m laughing hard too. I bend over and clutch my stomach until I can recover.
    ‘You’re not even out of breath!’ I gasp up at him.
    He laughs at my mock annoyance. He’s too fit for his own good. This isn’t fair.
    ‘Do you want me to carry you?’ he asks with amusement.
    ‘You’d better bloody not,’ I rebuke.
    He comes towards me with a raised eyebrow. I hold up my hand. ‘I’m warning you!’
    He grins and grabs me. I scream as he throws me over his shoulder and starts to run towards the rocky steps that lead to Dancing Ledge.
    ‘PUT ME DOWN!’ I yell.
    He laughingly does and I hit him on his chest. Flippin’ heck it’s hard.
    ‘Ouch,’ I joke, rubbing my hand. I lead the way to the steps.
    ‘Don’t slip,’ he says. I think he’s teasing me, but I realise he’s not when he puts his hands protectively on my shoulders.
    ‘Let me go first,’ he says at the bottom of the steps, moving in front of me. He easily climbs down the rock face and waits for me at the bottom. ‘Be careful,’ he warns with concern. I navigate the rocks with far less grace and speed. He holds his arms out to me and steadies my fall as I jump down from the last foothold.
    He takes my hand again as we walk along the ledge. The swimming pool is still there, carved out of the rock and full of water, reflecting the murky sky. I look ahead to the cave. I know that’s where we’re going and my stomach is a jittery mess. We walk into the dark space.
    I take a deep breath and stare at the ground where we made love for the very first time. He’s silent as he remembers too.
    ‘I still love you,’ he says suddenly, looking at me with anguish in his eyes.
    ‘Joe . . .’ I caution sadly.
    He glances at my wedding ring and then turns and faces the cave entrance before sitting on the ground.
    I cautiously sit down next to him.
    Neither of us speaks for a very long time. The sound of the waves crashing on the rocks outside