Princess Sultana's Circle

not wish to be haunted by deep regrets. And, regret
it I would, if my brother died with my curses ringing in his
ears.
    Still, it was difficult to
hold back every word. I released my hand from Ali’s hand and then
patted his face. “May Allah give you the two greatest blessings,
Ali.”
    Ali smiled, “Thank you,
Sultana.” He then frowned slightly, “What two blessings do you wish
me?”
    I smiled back, “I pray for
Allah to crown you with good health, but most importantly, Ali, I
pray for Allah to provide you with self aware- ness of your
wickedness.”
    Ali’s jaw slackened in
surprise.
    I then left his side
without waiting for his response. For the first time in my life, my
brother’s thoughts and behavior no longer held sway over me. The
strong chain of hate linking us had been forever severed. I no
longer hated Ali, indeed, I felt a rush of sympathy for
him.
    With other members of my
family, I waited in Ali’s tent to see what the day might bring. We
watched as Ali thrashed and moaned, calling out for a quick
delivery from his pain. There were moments we believed that he
would die any minute, and other times when it appeared that he
would live to see another sunrise.
    The snake that had bitten
Ali was cornered and captured by several of our employees. The
happy discovery was made that the snake was not after all a yaym,
as feared, but a hayyah, or sand viper. The hayyah is poisonous,
too, but its venom is not nearly as deadly as that of the yaym.
Most who are bitten by the hayyah do survive, although the
experience is frightening and painful.
    Everyone rejoiced in the
knowledge that Ali, once given up as dead, would survive. Asad
comforted Ali with the news, then said, “Thanks be to God, Ali, for
your sisters who prepared the antidote.”
    That was true, the antidote
had obviously diminished Ali’s pain and quickened his recovery. But
with cool indifference, Ali dismissed his sisters’
efforts.
    “ No, Asad,” he said, “it
was just not my time. Remember the wise saying that until my day
comes, no one can harm me, when my day comes, no one can save me.”
Ali smiled. “My sisters had nothing to do with the ending of this
day.”
    Even Ali’s wives exchanged
incredulous looks at these words. Still, in view of his near death,
his family was in a charitable mood, and no one reprimanded
him.
    Before leaving his tent,
each of us filed by Ali’s bedside and wished him a speedy recovery.
When it was my turn, he looked at me and sneered. “Ah, Sultana, I
knew that God would not take such a man as me from this beautiful
world while leaving such a sinner as you to enjoy his
blessings.”
    I smiled sadly at Ali. And,
although he and I embraced, I understood that in my brother’s eye,
he and I remained enemies.
    With Kareem by my side, I
returned exhausted to our own tent. Kareem slept easily all through
the night, but my sleep was not so peaceful. Mother returned to me
in the night, in the form of endless dreams. She kept repeating the
same message: that my earthly life was not bringing me the
happiness and fulfillment that was attainable. I did not awaken
until the sound of the early morning prayers drifted into our
tent.
    My dreams had been so real
that the years in between Mother’s death and the present time had
vanished. And so, I looked expectantly around the room, fully
believing that my Mother would be there, in the flesh, waiting with
soft words to ease her youngest child into another day.
    Then I remembered that
Mother had been dead for more years that I had even known her. I
was only sixteen years old when she died, and I had now lived
twenty-four long years without a mother’s embrace. That thought so
depressed me that I rose from bed, dressed quickly, and left the
tent without telling anyone where I was going.
    With tears of despair
streaming down my face, I walked alone into the desert.
    What was it that my mother
wanted from me? How could I be what she thought I should be? Where
had I failed? What changes could I make in my life?
    My mind was so tortured
that I failed to see the sky lighten as the sun began to rise over
the desert. I did not even see Sara approaching until she sat down
by my side.
    Sara touched my arm,
“Sultana?”
    The expression in my eyes
appeared to distress Sara. She asked me, “Dearest love, are you all
right?”
    Weeping, I threw myself in
my sister’s arms.
    “ You must tell me, Sultana.
Whatever is the matter?”
    I choked on my sobs as I
whispered, “I