Sidney Chambers and The Shadow of Death (The Grantchester Mysteries)

It stops me thinking.’ She sat back down beside him. ‘Do you play?’
    ‘I am afraid not.’
    ‘Perhaps I should teach you?’
    Sidney smiled. His lessons at school had not been a success. He never could get the hang of his two hands doing different things at the same time. ‘I think Germany is rather a long way to go for lessons.’
    ‘Yes,’ Hildegard smiled sadly. ‘I suppose it is. Will she hang, this woman, for what she did?’
    ‘It seems most likely.’
    ‘I am not in favour of another death.’
    ‘Neither am I; but it is the law of our land.’
    ‘You should change it. Rache trägt keine Frucht  . . .’
    ‘It is not in my power; but one day, I hope, in my lifetime.’
    They were still sitting beside each other and neither of them wanted to move. Hildegard Staunton gave him a playful pat on the knee. ‘And what about you, Sidney ?’ she asked. She seemed amused by the very English nature of his name. ‘What about your lifetime?’
    ‘It is very simple. I have my job. I have my calling . . .’
    Hildegard smiled. ‘You do not have a wife, I think?’
    ‘I cannot imagine it . . .’ he began.
    ‘Well, there is time . . .’ Hildegard said gently and then smiled. ‘Why are you called Sidney ?’
    ‘I was named after my grandfather.’
    ‘Is it an unusual name? I have never heard it before.’
    ‘There was a Victorian clergyman called Sidney Smith. He was quite a character. He once said that his idea of heaven was eating pâté de foie gras to the sound of trumpets.’
    ‘I am not so sure about that. In any case I think I prefer the Sidney of this world to any man of the past.’
    ‘I think we would both have enjoyed meeting him, had we lived in those times.’
    Hildegard stood up. ‘I think you do not like sherry but it is all I have. The whiskey has not yet arrived. Stephen’s brother told me a last case was on its way; not that I need it. Would you like some?’
    ‘Why not?’ Sidney replied.
    Hildegard laid out a tray. ‘What do you think I should do?’ she asked. ‘Perhaps I should not go back to Germany after all?’
    ‘It would be good if you stayed here, of course. From my point of view . . .’
    Hildegard handed Sidney his drink. ‘It is a strange feeling to have no responsibility for someone else any more.’
    ‘You must try not to let this darken the rest of your life.’
    ‘It is hard to think of that now.’ Hildegard looked up and smiled sadly. ‘I cannot imagine the future.’
    ‘It may be impossible. You will not forget what has happened. But I hope, if I may say so, that you might think a little bit more about yourself. There is only so much self-sacrifice we can offer . . . .’
    Hildegard was amused. ‘I never thought I would hear a priest telling me to be selfish. You think I have made a sacrifice of my life?
    ‘No. All I hope is that you will find happiness again.’
    ‘But you know that happiness is an illusion, Canon Chambers?’
    ‘ Sidney  . . .’
    ‘Nothing can last in this world. Zeit gibt und nimmt alles .’
    ‘Time gives and takes all?
    ‘Your German is better than you admit. If you come and see me you may even feel at home.’
    ‘Oh, I don’t know about that.’ Sidney replied. ‘Are you going back?’ he asked.
    ‘In ten days’ time. I will be home for a German Christmas with my mother and sister.’
    ‘What are they called?’
    ‘My sister is Trudi. My mother is Sibilla. They are very German names.’
    ‘Like Hildegard.’
    ‘I was named after Hildegard of Bingen. The visionary. Fortunately I don’t have any visions. But she wrote music and without music I do not know how I could live.’
    ‘I am sorry that you won’t be at our carol service.’
    ‘I will be with my sister in Berlin. I will hear Stille Nacht in German once more. When they sing, I shall remember your kindness to me.’
    ‘I am also sorry that not everyone has been good to you.’
    ‘But you have been good, Canon Chambers, and it is your kindness which I shall remember . . . .’
    Hildegard stood up and took a porcelain figure off the mantelpiece. It was of the little girl feeding chickens. ‘Take this,’ she said. ‘On account of your kindness.’
    Sidney was caught off guard. ‘Oh, I don’t think I could.’
    ‘Stephen bought it for me when he thought we were going to have a child. He always wanted a girl. Perhaps you will be luckier in your life than we have been. I’d like to give it to you.’
    ‘Your life is not