Speaker for the Dead

front of the boy.
      "He's crying, I've never seen him cry like this--"
      "Papa, papa, papa," whispered Grego. His trembling had given way to great shudders, almost convulsive in their violence.
      "Is he afraid of Father?" asked Olhado. His face showed deep concern for Grego. To Ender's relief, all their faces were full of worry. There was love in this family, and not just the solidarity of living under the rule of the same tyrant for all these years.
      "Papa's gone now," said Miro comfortingly. "You don't have to worry now."
      Ender shook his head. "Miro," he said, "didn't you watch Olhado's memory? Little boys don't judge their fathers, they love them. Grego was trying as hard as he could to be just like Marcos Ribeira. The rest of you might have been glad to see him gone, but for Grego it was the end of the world."
      It had not occurred to any of them. Even now it was a sickening idea; Ender could see them recoil from it. And yet they knew it was true. Now that Ender had pointed it out, it was obvious.
      "Deus nos perdoa," murmured Ela. God forgive us.
      "The things we've said," whispered Miro.
      Ela reached out for Grego. He refused to go to her. Instead he did exactly what Ender expected, what he had prepared for. Grego turned in Ender's relaxed grip, flung his arms around the neck of the Speaker for the Dead, and wept bitterly, hysterically.
      Ender spoke gently to the others, who watched helplessly. "How could he show his grief to you , when he thought you hated him?"
      "We never hated Grego," said Olhado.
      "I should have known," said Miro. "I knew he was suffering the worst pain of any of us, but it never occurred to me..."
      "Don't blame yourself," said Ender. "It's the kind of thing that only a stranger can see."
      He heard Jane whispering in his ear. "You never cease to amaze me, Andrew, the way you turn people into plasma."
      Ender couldn't answer her, and she wouldn't believe him anyway. He hadn't planned this, he had played it by ear. How could he have guessed that Olhado would have a recording of Marcão's viciousness to his family? His only real insight was with Grego, and even that was instinctive, a sense that Grego was desperately hungry for someone to have authority over him, for someone to act like a father to him. Since his own father had been cruel, Grego would believe only cruelty as a proof of love and strength. Now his tears washed Ender's neck as hotly as, a moment before, his urine had soaked Ender's thighs.
      He had guessed what Grego would do, but Quara managed to take him by surprise. As the others watched Grego's weeping in silence, she got off the bed and walked directly to Ender. Her eyes were narrow and angry. "You stink!" she said firmly. Then she marched out of the room toward the back of the house.
      Miro barely suppressed his laughter, and Ela smiled. Ender raised his eyebrows as if to say, You win some, you lose some.
      Olhado seemed to hear his unspoken words. From his chair by the terminal, the metal-eyed boy said softly, "You win with her, too. It's the most she's said to anyone outside the family in months."
      But I'm not outside the family, Ender said silently. Didn't you notice? I'm in the family now, whether you like it or not. Whether I like it or not.
      After a while Grego's sobbing stopped. He was asleep. Ender carried him to his bed; Quara was already asleep on the other side of the small room. Ela helped Ender strip off Grego's urine-soaked pants and put looser underwear on him-- her touch was gentle and deft, and Grego did not waken.
      Back in the front room Miro eyed Ender clinically. "Well, Speaker, you have a choice. My pants will be tight on you and too short in the crotch, but Father's would fall right off."
      It took Ender a moment to remember. Grego's urine had long since dried. "Don't worry about it," he said. "I can change when I get home."
      "Mother won't be home for another hour. You came to see her, didn't you? We can have your pants clean by then."
      " Your pants, then," said Ender. "I'll take my chances with the crotch."

8
     
    Dona Ivanova
     
     
      It means a life of constant deception. You will go out and discover something, something vital, and then when you get back to the station you'll write up a completely innocuous report, one which mentions nothing that we learned through cultural contamination.
      You're too young to understand what torture this is. Father and I began doing this because we