The Long Hard Road Out of Hell

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*I ALSO HEARD THAT AT A RECENT SHOW THEY CAME ONTO STAGE WITH THE TWO RIBS
THAT HE HAD SUPPOSEDLY REMOVED AND USED THEM AS DRUMSTICKS . I S THIS TRUE ?
*I HEARD MY FRIEND SAY THAT M ANSON KILLED HIS WIFE BECAUSE SHE WAS PREGNANT ,
THEN HE TOOK OUT THE BABY, NAMED L UCIFER S ATAN D AMIAN (LSD),
AND PUT IT IN AN ABORTION CRIB.
*M ANSON WAS P AUL ON THE Wonder Years
*M ANSON WAS W INNIE C OOPER ON THE Wonder Years .
*M ANSON WAS THE LITTLE KID ON Mr. Belvedere .
*I HEARD THAT M ARILYN M ANSON WAS THE GUY ON THE Wonder Years
BUT THEN STARTED HIS OWN RUMOR AND SAID HE WASN’T JUST TO THROW PEOPLE OFF .
*D AISY AND Z IM Z UM ARE THE SAME PEOPLE, BUT M ANSON THOUGHT IT WOULD
GET HIM MORE PUBLICITY IF HE “ GOT A NEW GUITARIST .”
*M ARILYN M ANSON IS ACTUALLY THE SON/DAUGHTER OF
C HARLES M ANSON AND M ARILYN M ONROE .
*I HEARD THAT M ARILYN M ANSON IS A MEMBER OF A CANNIBAL GROUP AND
HE REALLY IS BLACK AND HE BLEACHED HIS SKIN.
*M ARILYN JUST GOT BREAST IMPLANTS —I KNOW IT’S TRUE , I READ IT IN A MAGAZINE .
*M ANSON IS REALLY A WOMAN , SHE DRESSES LIKE A MAN ONLY TO HAVE
SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN .
*M ARILYN M ANSON STARTED AS A S AIGON K ICK SIDE PROJECT .
*M ARILYN M ANSON CUT ONE OF HIS TOES OFF SO THAT HE COULD
INJECT HEROIN DIRECTLY INTO THE VEINS ON THE STUMP .
*H E GOT HIS PENIS TATTOOED BLACK .
*T HE ONLY REASON T RENT PRODUCED MM’S FIRST ALBUM IS
BECAUSE M ANSON GIVES SUCH GOOD HEAD .
*A GIRL SAID M R . M ANSON HAD SEX WITH A PIG IN ONE OF THE VIDEOS .
NOW , I’ VE NEVER SEEN THAT ONE .
*P EOPLE AT MY SCHOOL SAY THAT THE R EV. REMOVED PIGMENT FROM HIS
LEFT EYE SO THAT HE COULD SEE BLACK AND WHITE .
*A GIRL THAT I WORK WITH TOLD ME THAT M ARILYN M ANSON SOLD HIS RIGHT EYE TO
THE DEVIL AND THAT IS WHY HE WEARS RED MAKEUP UNDERNEATH HIS EYE .
*M ARILYN M ANSON HAD HIS GIRLFRIEND’S EYE REMOVED SO HE COULD FUCK HER IN IT .
*M ARILYN M ANSON’S GRANDFATHER USED TO RAPE HIM WHEN HE WAS LITTLE AND
WHEN HE TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT IT HIS GRANDFATHER RIPPED OUT HIS EYE .
*Z IM Z UM JOINED THE BAND JUST TO GET IN BED WITH M ANSON
*D AISY AND M ANSON WERE LOVERS, BUT M ANSON LEFT HIM FOR T WIGGY CUZ
T WIGGY IS “ ANATOMICALLY SUPERIOR ” TO D AISY .
*I ONCE HEARD THAT R EV . AFTER AN INTERVIEW WENT ON STAGE AND PULLED A
C OKE BOTTLE OUT OF HIS ASS .
*T HE R EV. WAS MAKING CUTTING MOTIONS ACROSS HIS NECK WITH A
KNIFE AND ACCIDENTALLY CUT TOO DEEP, SEVERING HIS WINDPIPE. TWIGGY HELD HIS
THROAT TOGETHER FOR HIM SO HE COULD BREATHE UNTIL THE PARAMEDICS GOT THERE .
*M ANSON EITHER KILLED OR HAD SEX WITH A CAT .
(I CAN’T REMEMBER WHICH IT WAS . I THINK KILL .)
*M ARILYN M ANSON ALSO FUCKED A DONKEY UP THE ASS ON STAGE ,
THE SAME NIGHT HE SWALLOWED A CAT WHOLE !!
*M ANSON WANTED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT BUT MISSED SOME SORT OF DEADLINE .
*H E CHOPPED THE FEET OFF A HAMSTER .
    â€”R UMORS POSTED BY “ FANS ” ON THE I NTERNET

    Â Â Â Â Â  UNDATED
    If I’d really gotten my ribs removed, I would have been busy sucking my own dick on The Wonder Years instead of chasing Winnie Cooper. Besides, I wouldn’t have sucked other people’s dicks on stage, either. I would have been sucking my own. Plus, who really has time to be killing puppies when you can be sucking your own dick? I think I’m gonna call a surgeon in the morning.
    Â Â Â Â Â  UNDATED
    Last night, or rather this morning, some skaggy whore in her forties who was convinced she was in her teens and claimed to be Anthony Kiedis’s cousin or Billy Corgan’s sister or Shaquille O’Neal’s mother came onto our bus. She was with some goofy tan girl with braces who looked like she could have been her daughter. Neither of them looked good but they were entertaining because they were so blind to their own white trash qualities. So we let them stay and managed to convince them to snort a packet of sea monkey powder. Strangely enough, it was white and came with a small spoon, not unlike cocaine. I didn’t even have to use false pretenses to persuade them to do this. I actually read them the training manual, explaining that these small creatures are actually brine shrimp and that they will go on to grow inside their bodies for a year. I told them that nothing could be more exciting than having these small creatures flowing through their bloodstream—not to mention the unknown high that might await them. Surprisingly, they did it eagerly. And I shamefully spent the