The Truth About Faking

I can understand him not wanting to tell her. At least not until he’s ready.
    “So I’m the only person who knows?”
    “And Ricky.”
    “Ricky!”
    “Yeah. I kind of asked him for his advice.”
    That makes sense, I guess.
    “And now he’s gone,” Trent says softly.
    I glance at him and the sadness is back in his eyes. It reminds me of how I feel about Jason. I miss him so much.
    “Jason’s dad’s a psychiatrist.”
    “What’s that supposed to mean?” His eyes flash in a way I’ve never seen before.
    “I mean, Jason just said he’s a good listener.”
    “It’s his dad, Harley.”
    I want to die. I feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
    “I don’t have mental problems.”
    “No! Of course you don’t.”
    I’m quiet then. I look down at my hands and wonder if I should get out of the car now. We sit a moment in awkward silence, until Trent chuckles.
    “You’re not so good at this,” he says.
    I exhale in relief. “I know! I just… I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”
    “It’s okay,” he says, reaching over and tugging my braid.
    I smile, relieved. “But I won’t tell anybody. You can trust me.”
    “Thanks.”
    “I’d better go now.” I reach for the door handle.
    It doesn’t make sense, considering how I feel about Jason and how my feelings for Trent have evolved, but I really want to go inside and cry. Not because my heart is broken exactly, but because I spent so much time dreaming about a future husband who never really existed.
    But before I can go, Trent leans forward and this time, instead of a peck on the cheek, he pulls me into a hug. It’s warm and grateful, and as I hug him back, I realize it’s all okay. I’m not angry or hurt or anything. I’m glad he told me. And so I spent a year daydreaming, praying, and obsessing about a guy who has absolutely zero interest in me that way. Or possibly any girl for that matter. I’m not the first female in history to do it.
    Then I realize what else just happened. I just sat in a car outside my house, alone, with a boy who just told me the biggest secret of his life. A secret he asked me not to tell anyone, and I agreed. And then he pulled me into a long embrace, which I suppose to anyone outside probably looked like we were making out. And boy, would they be wrong.
    I turn and stare at my house for a few seconds and consider running inside to wake my mom. I want to hug her and cry and tell her I understand now. But I don’t. It’s late, and I’m exhausted. We can talk in the morning, and after that, I can’t wait to find Jason. I close my eyes, picturing his face. Tomorrow I’ll find him and kiss him and tell him we can be together, and we’ll be so happy.

Fifteen
     
     
    I open my eyes the next morning to the sound of my phone. It’s a text from Shelly.
    Party 2night. David’s. U in?
    I think about it. A party at David’s is perfect. Jason’s sure to be there.
    Sure , I text her back.
    Then I quickly type in Jason’s number.
    Party 2night. David’s. U going?
    I wait a few seconds, but there’s no reply. I roll onto my stomach and look at the clock. It’s later than the morning when he took me to breakfast. I lean my head on my hand and exhale. I shake my phone, then I nearly throw it across the room when it whistles.
    Yes .
    I squeal, I’m so excited to see the word. It’s like he’s standing here saying it in person. My fingers tremble a little when I type back.
    CUthere?
    Dunno. Maybe .
    That isn’t exactly what I hoped to read, but it’ll have to do for now.
    OK! :o) I type back and immediately start planning.
    So he’s still a little mad, that’s understandable. I’ll spend the day getting all fixed up, and then tell him the good news tonight in person, face to face, looking my absolute best. Once he knows what’s really going on, he’ll understand. Then he’ll smile and lean forward… I close my eyes and lie back on my bed imagining his soft lips touching mine. Mmm.
    I’m still smiling when my phone whistles again. I flip over and grab it, but it’s Trent.
    Party 2night. David’s. U going?
    I stare at the phone and think about last night and all he told me. Everything’s changed between us, but somehow I like it better. I wonder if this means we’ll talk more now or what exactly our relationship will be like. I guess we’re just friends. Just really good friends. I smile.
    Yep. I text back. CU there?
    U bet!
    So it’s Saturday