Unseen Academicals

persuade him to take the ball with him,’ said Vetinari.
    ‘I would never tell the Archchancellor this, my lord, but I think he may be better in a more defensive role.’
    ‘Who would you suggest as an alternative?’ said Vetinari.
    ‘Well, Charlie, the animated skeleton who works in the Department of Post-Mortem Communications, did very well in trials. And, after all,’ he paused for a moment, ‘yes, after all, none of us can help how we’re made.’
    They turned at a tap, tap, tapping behind them. It was Lady Margolotta’s foot.
    Nutt gave a little bow. ‘Ladyship. I trust I find you in adequate health.’
    ‘And you likewise, Nutt,’ said Lady Margolotta.
    Nutt turned to Glenda. ‘What was that term you used once?’
    ‘In the pink,’ said Glenda.
    ‘Yes, that’s right, I am deeply in the pink,’ said Nutt. ‘And it’s Mister Nutt, if you please, your ladyship.’
    ‘Would the two of you care to join us upstairs for a late supper?’ asked Vetinari, watching them both very carefully.
    ‘No, I don’t think we will impose, but thank you very much. I have a lot to do. Lady Margolotta?’
    ‘Yes?’
    ‘Would you come here, please?’
    Glenda watched the expressions: Vetinari’s faint smile, her look of affront, Nutt’s confidence. The rustle of her long, black dress was an audible intoxication as she walked the last few steps towards the orc and stopped. ‘Do I have worth?’ asked Nutt.
    ‘Yes, Nutt, you do.’
    ‘Thank you,’ said Nutt, ‘but I am learning that worth is something that must be continuously accumulated. You asked me to be becoming. Have I become?’
    ‘Yes, Nutt, you have become.’
    ‘And what is it you want me to do now?’
    ‘Find the orcs that still live in Far Uberwald and bring them back out of the dark.’
    ‘Then there are more orcs, like me?’ said Nutt.
    ‘A few dozen, perhaps,’ said Margolotta, ‘but in truth I could hardly say they are like you. They are a sorry bunch.’
    ‘Is it they who should be sorry?’ said Nutt.
    Glenda watched the faces. Amazingly, Lady Margolotta looked taken aback.
    ‘Many bad things were done under the Evil Empire,’ she said. ‘The best we can do now is undo them. Will you assist in this endeavour?’
    ‘In every way that I can,’ said Nutt.
    ‘I would like you to teach them civilized behaviour,’ said Ladyship coldly.
    He appeared to consider this. ‘Yes, of course, I think that would be quite possible,’ he said. ‘And who would you send to teach the humans?’
    There was a brief outburst of laughter from Vetinari, who immediately cupped his hand over his mouth. ‘Oh, I do beg your pardon,’ he said.
    ‘But since it falls to me,’ continued Nutt, ‘then, yes, I shall go into Far Uberwald.’
    ‘Pastor Oats will be very pleased to see you, I’m sure,’ said Margolotta.
    ‘He’s still alive?’ said Nutt.
    ‘Oh, yes, indeed, he is still quite young after all, and walks with forgiveness at his side. I think he would feel it very appropriate if you were to join him. In fact, he has told me on one of his all too infrequent visits that he would be honoured to pass the rate of forgiveness on to you.’
    ‘Nutt doesn’t need forgiveness!’ Glenda burst out.
    Nutt smiled and patted her hand. ‘Uberwald is a wild country for a man to travel in,’ he said, ‘even a holy man. Forgiveness is the name of Pastor Oats’s double-headed battle-axe. For Mister Oats the crusade against evil is not a metaphor. Forgiveness cut through my chains. I will gladly carry it.’
    ‘The kings of the trolls and the dwarfs will give you all the help that they can,’ said Ladyship.
    Nutt nodded. ‘But first I have a small favour to ask you, my lord,’ he said to Vetinari.
    ‘By all means, ask.’
    ‘I know the city has a number of golem horses. I wonder if I could borrow one of them?’
    ‘Be my guest,’ said the Patrician.
    Nutt turned to Glenda. ‘Miss Sugarbean. Juliet told me that you secretly want to ride through Quirm on a warm summer’s evening, feeling the wind in your hair. We could leave now. I have saved money.’
    All kinds of reasons why she shouldn’t foamed in Glenda’s head. Everywhere were responsibilities, commitments and the never-ending clamour of wanting. There were a thousand and one reasons why she should say no.
    ‘Yes,’ she said.
    ‘In that case, then, we will not take up any more of your valuable time, my lord, my lady, and will head off to the stables.’
    ‘But—’ Lady