A Blink of the Screen

appear that it does what my town does, which is to buckle down and make sure that tomorrow happens.
    But we noted with particular interest its provision of large breakfasts to the passing world. According to the wizards of Unseen University, who are no strangers to the art of the knife and fork, this is surely one of the noblest activities of mankind. We find, though, that after provisioning the hungry traveller the citizens of Wincanton let them continue on their way with most of their money intact, an oversight which would not be allowed in my own city, let me assure you.
    Since an experimental portal was accidentally opened in the High Street, the citizenry may have noticed, in recent years, the occasional strange-garbed yet free-spending visitor from my world, just as we have occasionally received lost souls looking for a really good breakfast or the way back to a place called ‘the Ae Three oh Three’. After a meeting with your venerable councillors, it was decided that the only way to resolve the problem was to make this link formal.
    And thus to the people of Wincanton we most heartily extend our hand of friendship, with the other hand hidden behind our backs, and I for one am looking forward to some big sausages and hearing my bed tick.
    Lord Havelock Vetinari
    Patrician of Ankh-Morpork

DEATH AND WHAT COMES NEXT

    T IME ON-LINE GAMES, 2004
    This was written for the on-line game TimeHunt, in which each story incorporated a hidden phrase
.
    It’s relevant to the story, it’s still in there, you need the mind of a fan to find it, and I bend the rules a little – or, rather, there are exceptions to the rule
.
    I rather liked the idea of Heaven being a logical certainty
…
    When Death met the philosopher, the philosopher said, rather excitedly, ‘At this point, you realize, I’m both dead and not dead.’
    There was a sigh from Death. Oh dear, one of those, he thought. Is this going to be about quantum again? He hated dealing with philosophers. They always tried to wriggle out of it.
    ‘You see,’ said the philosopher, while Death, motionless, watched the sands of his life drain through the hourglass, ‘everything is made of tiny particles, which have the strange property of being in many places at one time. But things made of tiny particles tend to stay in one place at one time, which does not seem right according to quantum theory. May I continue?’
    Y ES, BUT NOT INDEFINITELY , said Death. E VERYTHING IS TRANSIENT . He did not take his gaze away from the tumbling sand.
    ‘Well, then, if we agree that there are an infinite number of universes, then the problem is solved! If there are an unlimited number of universes, this bed can be in millions of them, all at the same time!’
    D OES IT MOVE?
    ‘What?’
    Death nodded at the bed. C AN YOU FEEL IT MOVING ? he said.
    ‘No, because there are a million versions of me, too, And … here is the good bit … in some of them I am not about to pass away! Anything is possible!’
    Death tapped the handle of his scythe as he considered this.
    A ND YOUR POINT IS …?
    ‘Well, I’m not exactly dying, correct? You are no longer such a certainty.’
    There was a sigh from Death. Space, he thought. That was the trouble. It was never like this on worlds with everlastingly cloudy skies. But once humans saw all that space, their brains expanded to try to fill it up.
    ‘No answer, eh?’ said the dying philosopher. ‘Feel a bit old-fashioned, do we?’
    T HIS IS A CONUNDRUM, CERTAINLY , said Death. Once they prayed, he thought. Mind you, he’d never been sure that prayer worked, either. He thought for a while. A ND I SHALL ANSWER IT IN THIS MANNER , he added. Y OU LOVE YOUR WIFE?
    ‘What?’
    T HE LADY WHO HAS BEEN LOOKING AFTER YOU . Y OU LOVE HER?
    ‘Yes. Of course.’
    C AN YOU THINK OF ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHERE, WITHOUT YOUR PERSONAL HISTORY CHANGING IN ANY WAY, YOU WOULD AT THIS MOMENT PICK UP A KNIFE AND STAB HER? said Death. F OR EXAMPLE?
    ‘Certainly not!’
    B UT YOUR THEORY SAYS THAT YOU MUST . I T IS EASILY POSSIBLE WITHIN THE PHYSICAL LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE, AND THEREFORE MUST HAPPEN, AND HAPPEN MANY TIMES . E VERY MOMENT IS A BILLION, BILLION MOMENTS, AND IN THOSE MOMENTS ALL THINGS THAT ARE POSSIBLE ARE INEVITABLE. ALL TIME, SOONER OR LATER, BOILS DOWN TO A MOMENT .
    ‘But of course we can make choices between—’
    A RE THERE CHOICES? E VERYTHING THAT CAN HAPPEN, MUST HAPPEN . Y OUR THEORY SAYS THAT FOR EVERY UNIVERSE THAT’S FORMED TO