Baby Be Mine

‘Okay.’
    When he’s gone, I pick up the phone, a different kind of dread filling my bones. No one enjoys disappointing their parents, and that’s exactly what I’m about to do. I don’t bother to go through the usual pleasantries, instead launching straight in.
    ‘I’m afraid I have some news for you and you’re not going to like it.’
    ‘What?’ Mum’s voice is full of apprehension.
    ‘Christian and I have split up.’
    ‘Oh no!’
    ‘What’s going on?’ I hear my dad ask in the background.
    ‘Shoosh!’ my mum snaps and I can imagine her waving her hand at him to keep him at bay.
    ‘Let me tell you why,’ I continue.
    ‘Okay . . .’
    I take a deep breath and then it all comes out in a rush. ‘Barney is not Christian’s son; he’s Johnny’s.’
    My mum gasps and then the disappointment comes.
    ‘Oh, Meg . . .’
    This phrase is used time and time again as I go on to explain. I feel remarkably calm. Even the tears seem to have dried up.
    ‘What are you going to do?’ Mum asks eventually.
    ‘I wondered if we could come and stay with you and Dad for a little while.’
    ‘Well, yes, of course. When?’
    ‘In a couple of days? I need time to pack up, and also Johnny is here.’
    ‘Johnny is there?’ she asks in amazement.
    ‘Yes. He knows.’
    ‘How’s he taking it?’ From the tone of her voice, she’s not expecting a positive answer.
    ‘Better than I thought he would,’ I reply, still taken aback by this fact.
    She hesitates before speaking. ‘I had no idea about you and Johnny being involved in that way. How on earth did that happen?’
    ‘It’s a long story, but we’ll have time to talk in a couple of days.’
    My dad is obviously chewing at the bit, and we terminate our conversation so my mum can explain. I can picture them both shaking their heads in shock and displeasure. It’s a horrible thought, but it’s not as awful as I’d imagined. I feel strange. Why? I realise that some of the weight has lifted from my shoulders, and terrible though the truth is, I feel oddly free that it’s out there. I take another deep breath. I should call Bess, but I don’t have the energy right now. I could start to pack, but I don’t have the energy for that, either. I lie down on the sofa and cover my face with my arms. I’m tired, so very tired.
    The sound of Johnny’s motorbike wakes me up. I leap to my feet, startled. I hurry to the door and out onto the terrace. Barney is sitting on top of the machine. Johnny has hold of him with one hand while he revs the engine with the other.
    ‘You’ll scare the life out of him!’ I shout in alarm, standing barefoot on the tiles shaded by the table.
    ‘Look at him; he’s loving it!’ Johnny shouts back, a huge grin on his face. Barney is indeed smiling his head off.
    I watch them in bemusement, my hand held in a salute above my eyes to protect myself from the sun. There’s a hot wind today and it whips my retro floral cotton dress against my knees. I go back inside and grab Barney’s hat before slipping my feet into my silver flip-flops. I join the boys on the driveway.
    ‘Do you like that?’ I ask Barney as I pull his hat on. He’s too busy playing with the shiny handlebars to take much notice. The bike is a Ducatti. I recognise it as one of the ones Johnny used to have in his garage.
    ‘How did it go with your ’rents?’ he asks.
    ‘They’re disappointed,’ I reply weightily. ‘Have you been out here for long? I fell asleep.’
    ‘You must’ve needed it.’
    ‘I look tired, do I?’
    He tilts my chin up with his thumb and forefinger and peers into my bloodshot eyes. My heart quickens.
    ‘Don’t answer that,’ I say hastily, pulling away. ‘How long was I out for?’
    He turns his attention back to Barney. ‘About an hour and a half. We went for a walk up into the village and came back down about fifteen minutes ago.’
    ‘Did you take the buggy?’
    ‘Hell, no. You won’t catch me pushing that thing. He sat on my shoulders.’
    I roll my eyes. Good job I put suncream on my son before they left. ‘We should probably go inside before we bake.’
    ‘Come on, then.’ He lifts Barney up and off the bike before following me into the house.
    Needless to say, I don’t really feel like taking Johnny for a day trip to Carcassonne. He entertains Barney while I start to pack. Listening to him talking to Barney as they play together in the living room is a good distraction.
    We don’t have many belongings, but it