Days of Love and Blood

look at me before bolting out the door and I ran after him.
    I followed him through the kitchen where the girls abruptly stopped talking and I called after him. Cooper sprung out the door and surprised Ben at the porch, shoving him without warning.
    “What the fuck are you doin’ here?” he screamed.
    “ I - I asked if I could come over,” Ben said sheepishly before turning his confused eyes to me.
    “I told him he could come over, Cooper.” I put my hands around his tense bicep and tried to pull him away but he wouldn’t budge.
    “I came to see Ivy and the girls,” Ben explained.
    “ Oh, I know who you came to see and I think it’s time for you to go.” Cooper pushed himself up against Ben, trying to back him off the porch. Ben took one step back and stopped.
    “ No,” Ben said and held his ground.
    “I said leave!” Cooper screamed.
    “No!”
    “That’s enough, Cooper!” I yelled.
    “This is bullshit! What the fuck, Carson? You want him here?”
    “I want him here,” said Ivy. She came out onto the porch with Marianna and Gretchen and the three of them surrounded Ben, pulling him away and into the house.
    “I can’t believe this.”
    “You can’t believe what?” I asked.
    “This!” He slammed the porch railing with his foot and his rage snapped the baluster in half. “We get in one fucking fight and Ben comes running right over to your side. Knight is shining fucking armor.”
    “No, Cooper. You’re not seeing things right. He’s afraid of you and he wanted to be where he figured you wouldn’t be since you so clearly voiced your opinion of me.”
    “ He should be afraid o’ me and I fuckin’ told you that I didn’t mean it none!”
    “ You treat me like shit when you’re mad.”
    “Damn fuckin’ right, I’m mad. I want him outta your house right now!”
    “No, Cooper. ”
    “No?” This time he was in my face, and I wasn’t going to back down either. At the same time, I was panicking inside, torn between my own stubborn will and my desire to stop fighting, wrap my arms around him and give in, begging for comfort. I wanted to assure him that Ben wasn’t a threat.
    “I told you once, Cooper. It was only you. That’s still the way it is. But you can’t tell me who to surround myself with after I’ve been hurt. You can’t tell me what to do. No one tells me what to do.” I could feel his breath on me. Fire burned in his eyes. “Especially not right now,” I said .
    “You’re gonna do me like this?”
    “I’m not doing anything to you, Cooper. Everything isn’t about you. You can come inside if you want. We can go upstairs and talk some more, privately. If that will make you feel better.”
    “I won’t feel better until he’s outta your house.”
    “You don’t have to worry about him.”
    “He wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to worry about him.”
    “That’s bullshit. Talk about who’s manipulating who.”
    “I told you I didn’t mean what I said back there. Fuckin’ Christ, Carson! Get him the fuck outta your house!”
    “ Don’t tell me what to do!”
    “Fuck you, then.” He slid his fingers under his chin and stuck them out at me, turned around and jumped off the porch.
    I didn’t want it to end like that. I watched him walking away from me and I was frozen in doubt. Everything I had said was wrong. The memory of me standing in a cold field, immobilized - unable to do anything while holding Ronan, flashed through my mind.
    “Wait,” I yelled. “Cooper, stop. Cooper!” I ran after him, yelling his name, crying at the same time. “Please, Cooper, wait.” I pulled at his arm but he shrugged me away and climbed into his truck. He shut the door and looked at me through the open window. He stopped before turning the ignition and leaned back in his seat with his hand up to his face. “Please. Just stay,” I whispered.
    “No,” he said as he shook his head. “Not with him in the house.”
    “Please,” I begged. He studied me for a few moments before turning the ignition.
    “No,” he repeated. He drove away and I stood unmoving, letting the tears come naturally as I wept out loud. It was minutes before I felt an arm around my waist and a hand on my back as the girls turned me around and led me indoors.
    It took me a n hour before I was able to calm myself and join the group outside on the side porch. I was given a stiff drink made with rum and sweet tea and sat back in one of the padded lawn chairs with my feet up, listening to