Fear of Falling

slowly pulled her away to access her face. Even through terror stricken eyes, I could see the strength in Kami clawing to the surface. She was so incredibly resilient that I couldn’t help but be amazed by her.
    “What I wouldn’t give to let you see yourself through my eyes. To see what I see. There is so much beauty and courage in you, Kam. See, your fears don’t own you. They don’t define who you are. You just made this lake your bitch. Do you see how fucking crazy that is? You’re a fighter, babe. You aren’t afraid. You aren’t crazy. You. Are. A. Fighter.”
    Her eyes misted, making me believe that I had crossed some unseen line, but before I could console her, she crushed her lips to mine. “Thank you for giving me something to fight for,” she said when she pulled away, claiming my next breath. “Now about that show of gratitude... Take me home.”
    More than just my chest swelled when I looked down into those gorgeous green eyes. “Yes, ma’am.”

Fear #38
    The unknown.
    While most people would argue that the unknown would easily make the Top 10, it was what I knew, and what I experienced, that was much scarier.
    Now, I feared it for an entirely different reason. There was one thing I knew for certain, but not knowing if I could ever truly accept it and reveal it in turn…terrified me.
    I had never been good with words. Not the spoken kind, that is. Where Angel was bold and brash, and Blaine was sometimes overly expressive, I was closed and guarded. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him how I felt, because I did. I just didn’t know how he would react. And then what? What would that mean for us? Would it change everything? Would he feel the same?
    Dammit, Kam. Don’t start this shit. Not tonight. Tonight is special.
    I refocused on the task of assembling individual rolls of meat and vegetables, and tried to block out the doubt screaming in my head. I wouldn’t listen to it. I couldn’t. I was already two seconds away from scrapping my plan and skipping town, but I owed it to Blaine to be honest with him. Hell, I owed it to myself.
    “Score!” Dom boomed, as he entered our kitchen. He lifted the top of one of the pots simmering on the stove, allowing the scents of soy sauce, garlic and chicken to waft through the apartment. “Hell yes! I’m starved!”
    “Hands off, this isn’t for you! You and Angel are going out for the night, remember?” I said, swatting him away.
    “Yeah, yeah,” Dom replied, nabbing a Lumpia. “Send us off to eat crap while Blaine gets to savor all my favorite dishes. Yeah… that doesn’t seem unfair at all.”
    “Awww, you’ll survive. Plus, I’m sure we’ll have plenty left over.”
    Dom took a bite of the hot, crispy-fried goodness with closed eyes. A deep throaty groan erupted from his slightly greased lips.
    “Fine,” he said around a mouthful of shredded cabbage and meat. “Make me a plate, and I’ll go quietly.”
    “Deal,” I winked.
    After a few more minutes of watching me nervously flit around the kitchen, Dom finally addressed the thing that had my stomach tied in knots. “So, tonight… you think you’re ready?”
    I frowned, but didn’t look up from the rice noodles sizzling in the wok in front of me. “I don’t know what you mean,” I lied.
    “Come on, Kam. You cooked for the man. And, you spend almost every single day together. I’ve never seen you this happy. This…free and unafraid. You opened up to him, and he’s still here, still completely into you.”
    Dom walked over and stood at my side. I could almost feel the heat of his penetrating gaze boring into me though I refused to meet his eyes. “You love him, Kam, and I know for a fact that he’s in love with you too.”
    Until that moment, I hadn’t audibly digested those words. Yeah, I had thought them before quickly pushing them away, but hearing it out loud… that was a different beast. I had planned to tell Blaine how I felt that night, but was I prepared to tell him that? Could I even do it?
    “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” When in doubt, deny, deny, deny.
    “Sure, Kam. But you’re not fooling anyone. Just because you can’t say the words doesn’t mean you don’t feel it. What are you going to do when he tells you? Are you prepared for that?”
    I shook my head. “Well…he won’t. You’re reading this all wrong. We’re just hanging out, just having fun. And if it ever came to that, I’d deal with it.”
    “Ok, Kam,