Fear of Falling

We both know it. You love me, Kami. And dammit, I love you too. More than anything.”
    Angry tears pricked the back of my eyelids. “No.”
    “ Yes. And it’s ok. You know I could never hurt you. You don’t have to be afraid.”
    Blaine went to grab my hands but I quickly pulled them out of reach. “That’s ridiculous. I hardly know you. And with what you do know about me…how could you feel that way?”
    “You know me, Kami, better than anyone else. And yeah, I get that you’re dealing with a lot of shit. And honestly, that makes me love you even more. It makes me want to take away all the pain and ugliness so you never have to feel that way again.”
    I pursed my lips and placed a hand on my hip. “So that’s it; you pity me. Well, newsflash, Blaine: You can’t fix me. You can’t save me. So just stop trying.”
    “I don’t pity you, Kam,” he replied shaking his head, taking a step towards me.
    “Then…why?”
    “Why?”
    He took another step forward, causing me to back into the wall. Rational thought abandoned me, as I went into defense-mode like a wounded, frightened animal, cornered by its predator. A predator that was fashioned to be beautiful and alluring, deeming its prey susceptible to its charms.
    “Why even deal with all my bullshit?” I said, squaring my shoulders, preparing for the emotional battle. “What is it, Blaine? Does it make you feel good about yourself? Does it validate your manliness to save the broken girl? Or do you just get off on going after the damaged ones?”
    I sucked in my bottom lip before I went for his jugular. I wanted to stop myself. I wanted to fall into his arms and tell him I loved him too, and let him kiss away the hurt. But, we fear what we don’t understand, and I didn’t understand the feelings I had for Blaine. I couldn’t fully grasp that depth of devotion and trust. I had never had it before and experiencing it now…scared the living shit out of me.
    “Does it make you feel less guilty about not saving your mother?”
    Blaine glared at me through the narrow slits of his eyes, and his jaw ticked with irritation. Good. He should be mad. He should be utterly disgusted with me. Hate me even. At that moment, I surely did. Maybe he’d even loathe me enough to get out now. To leave and never look back.
    No. Please, don’t go. Don’t leave me.
    “I know what you’re doing,” Blaine gritted, interrupting my contradicting inner monologue. “I know you’re just trying to say anything to push me away. Well, it’s not going to work, Kam.”
    “You don’t know anything,” I snarled, though my heart totally agreed with him.
    “Oh, I think I do, Kam. I know you’re afraid of this. I know you think that you’re too messed up for someone to love you. You think that I’ll hurt you. That I’ll end up being just like your dad. I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong on all accounts. You’re wrong and I plan to spend every day proving that to you.”
    I pushed against his chest but it was hard as stone and just as immovable. “You don’t know anything! I don’t think any of those things.”
    Blaine raised a brow, a smug half-smile on his lips. “Really?” He looked down at my hands still on his chest. I hadn’t even realized I was still touching him and I quickly pulled them back and balled them at my sides.
    “Kam, why are you so afraid of love? Do you really think I would do something to hurt you? I’m not him . You have to know that by now. I’m. Not. Him .”
    My mouth went dry, making it impossible to form a response as I looked up into his intense brown eyes. Eyes that shone with warmth and understanding. Eyes that exuded patience and gentleness. And love. Eyes that made me believe that, without a shadow of a doubt, the scary-beautiful man in front of me loved me.
    I tried to blink the image away. Gazing into those chocolate depths only made it hurt more. It only made the jagged pill of the inevitable that much harder to swallow.
    Blaine cupped my cheeks, forcing my eyes back to his face. He wouldn’t let me hide. He wouldn’t let me find solace in denial and avoidance. He made me face my fear head on, and I wanted to hate him for that.
    “I love you, Kami. And I’m going to keep saying that until it stops being scary. Until you accept it. Until you believe me when I tell you that I will never, ever hurt you. I. Love. You.”
    His thumb brushed along my bottom lip as he searched my face, his brows furrowed and eyes glassy.