Fear of Falling

knowing that those four walls would never exude peace and happiness again, seriously had me thinking about moving.
    Uncle Mick cleared his throat and scrubbed a hand over his face. “You’re a lot like she was. We used to fight like cats and dogs when we were kids. Hell, she was a scrappy little thing,” he laughed, his voice echoing with nostalgia. “But she had a heart of gold. Like you. She couldn’t help it and neither can you. Sometimes, loving people can be just as much of a gift as it is a curse. Because some people…you can’t help but love. Even when you know it will hurt you in the end.”
    I couldn’t tell if he was talking about my mother, or me, or even himself. But I knew that every word was true. Some people you couldn’t help but love. You loved them without reservation or fear. You loved them hard and fierce, because they deserved it. They deserved to be loved just as much as you deserved for them to return it.
    But life – love—didn’t work like that. It was rarely rational or just. It destroyed relationships and brought even the strongest people to their knees in agony.
    It was exactly what Kami believed it to be.
    “Is there a point to all this?” I snapped, suddenly annoyed by his presence. I still refused to look at him. Seeing him, a face that housed features similar to my mother’s, similar to mine, would only bring my tormented emotions to the surface. It would make me feel. I couldn’t have that. Not now. Not anymore.
    “The point is, son… everyone has baggage, some more than others. Some people have a tote bag. Others have an entire trunk full of drama. You, Blaine, have a carry on. And that girl of yours has a full set of luggage. You know that as well as I do. And the type of person you are, the type of man that you have grown to be, you expect to be able to shoulder all that baggage alone. You can’t; that’s not your job. You can’t take away all her problems. No matter how bad you want to, you can’t carry it all and expect for that heavy burden not to crush you under its weight.”
    I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Stop trying to carry it all alone. Taking it away doesn’t make it any less hers. It just weighs you down, son. You’re only one person. One man. You can’t expect to save someone that doesn’t want to be saved.”
    I swallowed down my next gulp of beer through the tightness in my throat but the foul taste of rejection remained. I knew my uncle was right. Hell, he usually was. But I wasn’t ready to hear that. I wasn’t ready to accept that Kami just didn’t want me.
    She didn’t want me to save her. She didn’t even believe she was worth saving.
    The booming sounds of my cousin’s boisterous laughter flooded my ears, drawing my attention from the harshness of truth. I hated to admit it, but his presence was welcomed. CJ was a distraction. And right now, I needed that the most.
    Tinkling feminine laughter accompanied him, stopping right beside me. Uncle Mick snorted before climbing to his feet. “Remember what I said, son,” he said before heading to the back, shooting his son and his company a frustrated look.
    I could feel CJ’s eyes on me, but I continued to look ahead. CJ was a lot of things but he wasn’t stupid. He knew when no words were necessary. Too bad his entourage didn’t get the memo.
    A small hand slipped over my shoulder, squeezing the tight tendons. I was too numb to even care enough to brush it off. “Hey, Blaine, it’s so good to see you again.”
    I recognized the voice as Wendy’s, but I didn’t bother to offer my own greeting. Judging by the way her manicured fingers raked down my arm, it didn’t seem to offend her.
    Without saying a word, CJ slipped behind the bar, earning a frown from Corey, the other bartender. He bypassed the liquor displayed on the shelves and dipped down to a hidden cabinet where we stored the premium alcohol reserved for big spenders aka pretentious douchebags.
    Two glasses and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Platinum were placed before me. The girls behind us nearly shit themselves when they saw it, until they realized there were no glasses for them. Luckily, CJ handed them apple martinis to shut them up before opening the scotch and pouring a good amount in each glass.
    “To not giving a fuck,” he said holding up his glass.
    Another petite arm snaked around my shoulders, and Wendy pressed her double Ds into my back. I could almost feel her hardened nipples through the thin barriers