Ghost Time

to have them. Even if he didn’t tell you, she said. And it hurt, it scared me, like even Karen was giving up onhim. I go, If he’d wanted me to have these, he would’ve shown them to me, himself. Like I did with him, I said, and she started to say something, then she stopped.
    It was so awkward for a minute, and then she said, I know you don’t understand, and you’re hurt that he didn’t share these with you, but I think Cam didn’t share these with you because he quit taking pictures. I said, Karen, I don’t know what to say to that, because he never told me any of this, and the expression on her face wasn’t surprise, it was pain. I said, You’re surprised, how much he hid from me? No, she said, her head falling to one side. Not really. Boys have a problem sometimes with these things. I go, Life, you mean? She said, That, too, and for some reason, I felt so angry with her. Maybe because she was all I had to be angry with, and I said, That’s a bullshit excuse. She goes, Maybe, but the fact is, Cam quit taking pictures after he met you because he said he loved the idea of taking pictures, but you loved doing it. He said he loved watching you take pictures more than he’d ever loved taking a single shot, she said, smiling at me like that made it better. She goes, You can hold it against him, but he changed a lot, after he met you, Thea.
    I stared at the rug, trying to figure out what to say. When did he quit? I asked, trying to understand, but mostly feeling numb. First week of school, after he met you, she said. No, we didn’t meet until the end of the first month of school, I said. I didn’t know him the first week. No, but he knew you, she said, turning away, about to open the door, to leave. There was more to it than she was saying, that’s all I know. That’s how Karen had become since Cam disappeared. Like there was this side of her now, and Ididn’t really know her anymore. She looked at me for a moment, exhaling through her nose, and then she said, Do what you want with them, Thea, but I know Cam would want you to have them, and then she walked out, closing the door behind her.
    I went to my room, and I opened the envelope, pulled them all out, on top of my bed. And they’re good—he’s really good. There were some great shots that he must have taken on their drive across country, when they moved here. The last picture, though… the last picture made my heart stop. It was a picture of me, when my hair was still long, just before I got it cut. I knew exactly when and where it was taken: it was the week before school started, and I’d gotten in a fight with my mom, and I’d gone to the park for the afternoon. I was looking at the sky, because this huge storm was coming in, the whole sky was gray, almost as angry as I was, and I remember—. This is so silly, but I remember thinking, Bring it. You can’t see my face, just the back of my head, my hair’s blowing everywhere, but I know it’s me, and Cam was right behind me, watching me, even then.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2010
    (SIX MONTHS EARLIER)
    6:14 PM
    Karen had a yard sale in late October. Cam and I had been going out for a month or so, I guess, but that was the first time I ever met Cam’s mom. Cam said she had some things she thought I might want, and that she wanted to meet me, and I didn’t know what to say, really. But his mom was having a yard sale, and a lot of it was junk, Cam said, but there was one thing I might want. What’s that? I asked. You’ll have to come over to meet her and find out, he said. If I meet your mother, I’ll get a surprise gift? So you’re bribing me, basically, is that right? I asked. Yes. Is that a problem for you? he asked, sitting back in his seat, and I thought about it.
    No, not really, I said, taking a sip of my Diet Coke, staring out the window of Silver Top. I mean, of course it was a problem, and my stomach gurgled just thinking about it. She’s cool, he said, laughing at my stomach. You’ll like her. And she’ll love you, he said, smiling. So what’s the gift? I asked, trying to soundall nonchalant. Not telling, he said. You can’t be bribed, I said. I never said I couldn’t be bribed, he said, before looking up, smiling at Sharon, who was bringing our plate of fries. Anything else, hon? Sharon asked. No, thank you, Sharon, I said. She was speaking to me, Cam said. You’re welcome, doll, she said, speaking to me, but nodding her head at him, always amused by Cam and his lines. My