Hounded

loomed suddenly over the paramedic’s shoulder. » Are you refusing to transport my client in a medical emergency? «
    » No, « the paramedic replied, squinting up at him. » I’m refusing to transport his weapon. «
    » You mean his priceless Celtic art? That’s not a weapon, sir. It’s a family heirloom of intense sentimental value, and the trauma he would suffer by being separated from it would be greater than any physical pain he currently feels. Which, I notice, you’ve done absolutely nothing about since you arrived. «
    The paramedic clenched his jaw and exhaled sharply through his nose as he turned back to me. » Effing lawyers, « he muttered quietly, thinking perhaps Hal wouldn’t hear it. But werewolves tend to hear things like that.
    » That’s right, sir, I am an effing lawyer, and I will effing file suit against you if you don’t effing get my client and his art to Scottsdale Memorial right now! «
    » All right, whatever! « huffed the paramedic, who could not stand to be bludgeoned with lawsuit threats for long. He and his partner went to get the stretcher, and shortly I was being loaded into the back of the ambulance, Fragarach clutched in my right hand. Jimenez and the other cops were so busy worrying about what the press would do when they found out that a Phoenix detective had shot a Tempe detective stone dead that they completely missed the fact that the sword Fagles had been hollering about actually existed.
    » I’ll see you there soon, « Hal said with a wave. » Snorri will take good care of you; he knows you’re coming. And don’t worry about these guys, « he said, indicating the paramedics. » Leif will pay them a visit tonight and they won’t remember a thing. « Since the paramedics had finally put an oxygen mask on me, I couldn’t answer, so I just gave a weak nod.
    › Hurry back, Atticus. I’m going to be bored. These werewolves can’t talk to me. And this camouflage stuff still kinda tickles. ‹
    I’ll probably see you by lunchtime tomorrow , I said back to my dog.
    › Will there be sausage? ‹
    Only if Hal tells me you’ve been good .
    › I’m going to hold you to that, ‹ Oberon said, his mental voice fading as the ambulance put some distance between us.
    Okay, be good, then , I projected, and hoped he heard it. We warbled up Mill Avenue and doubtless gave the stoners loitering on the corner outside Trippie Hippie a quick jolt of paranoia. Sirens just harsh on their mellow, man.
    Drives in the back of an ambulance are simultaneously boring and stressful. I needed relief from both. Paramedic Man wasn’t about to talk to me anymore, so I decided to mess with him a bit, since Leif would make sure he wouldn’t remember anything later. Am I above immature trickery? No. It keeps me young.
    Using a bit of power recently banked in my bear charm, I bound a few of the natural threads in the elastic band of his underwear to the fine hairs in the center of his back about five inches up. The result was an instant wedgie. Those have been funny for two thousand years, but they’re even more hilarious when your victim is sanctimoniously trying to behave like he knows more than you.
    I really shouldn’t have done it, though, because his reaction—a girlish squeal followed by a high-octave » Ahh! What the fuck?!? « and an abrupt attempt to stand up, which cracked his head on the ceiling—got me laughing too hard, and that brought on a serious case of bloody hacking and a heaping spoonful of pain. Served me right, I suppose. I messed up the inside of the oxygen mask, then released the binding so he could calm down and help me.
    He never saw me laughing, so the poor guy thought his antics had caused me to become upset, and he was very solicitous as soon as he was able to reestablish some room in his shorts. Best ambulance ride ever.
    When we got to the hospital and his partner came around to help unload me from the back, he noticed that Mr. Wedgie had a flushed face.
    » What happened? « he asked.
    » He had a bit of distress during the ride, but he’s stable for the moment, « Wedgie said as they put my rolling stretcher on the ground and started pushing me toward the sterile electric doors of the emergency room.
    » But you look like something happened to you, « his partner replied. » Are you okay, man? «
    » I’m fine, « Wedgie snapped. » Nothing happened. I—ahh, Jesus Christ! «
    Well, I couldn’t resist when he was lying like that, could I? Besides,