Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

the air and the fire in the earth, I told them.”
    “And what did they say?”
    “They said that Simon must have been a very sound sleeper.”
    “Sarcasm is wasted on those guys,” I said.
    “Completely wasted,” said Joshua. “Anyway, then I left, and outside there were two guards from the Temple. The shafts of their spears had been broken and they were both unconscious. There was blood on one’s scalp. So I healed them, and when I saw they were coming around, I came here.”
    “They don’t think you attacked the guards?” Simon asked.
    “No, the priest followed me down. He saw them at the same time that I did.”
    “And your healing them didn’t convince him?”
    “Hardly.”
    “So what do we do now?”
    “I think we should go back to Galilee. Joseph will send word if anything comes of the meeting of the council.”
    “You know what will come of it,” Maggie said. “You threaten them. And now they have the priests involved. You know what will happen.”
    “Yes, I do,” said Joshua. “But you don’t. We’ll leave for Capernaum in the morning.”
    Later Maggie came to me in the great room of Simon’s house, where we were all bedded down for the night. She crawled under my blanket and put her lips right next to my ear. As usual, she smelled of lemons and cinnamon. “What did you do to those guards?” she whispered.
    “I surprised them. I thought they might be there to arrest Joshua.”
    “You might have gotten him arrested.”
    “Look, have you done this before? Because if you have some sort of plan, please let me in on it. Personally, I’m making this up as I go along.”
    “You did good,” she whispered. She kissed my ear. “Thank you.”
    I reached for her and she shimmied away.
    “And I’m still not going to sleep with you,” she said.

    The messenger must have ridden through several nights to get ahead of us, but when we got back to Capernaum there was already a message waiting from Joseph of Arimathea.
Joshua:
Pharisee council condemned you to death for blasphemy. Herod concurs. No official death warrant issued, but suggest you take disciples into Herod Philip’s territory until things settle down. No word from the priests yet, which is good. Enjoyed having you at dinner, please drop by next time you’re in town.
Your friend,
Joseph of Arimathea
    Joshua read the message aloud to all of us, then pointed to a deserted mountaintop on the northern shore of the lake near Bethsaida. “Before we leave Galilee again, I am going up that mountain. I will stay there until all in Galilee who wish to hear the good news have come. Only then will I leave to go to Philip’s territory. Go out now and find the faithful. Tell them where to find me.”
    “Joshua,” Peter said, “there are already two or three hundred sick and lame waiting at the synagogue for you to heal them. They’ve been gathering for all the days you’ve been gone.”
    “Why didn’t you tell me?”
    “Well, Bartholomew greeted them and took their names, then we told them that you’d be with them as soon as you got the chance. They’re fine.”
    “I lead the dogs back and forth by them occasionally so we look busy,” said Bart.
    Joshua stormed off to the synagogue waving his hands in the air as if asking God why he had been plagued by a gang of dimwits, but then, I might have been reading that into his gesture. The rest of us spread out into Galilee to announce that Joshua was going to be preaching a great sermon on a mountain north of Capernaum. Maggie and I traveled together, along with Simon the Canaanite and Maggie’s friends Johanna and Susanna. We decided to take three days and walk a circle through northern Galilee that would take us through a dozen towns and bring us back to the mountain just in time to help direct the pilgrims that would be gathering. The first night we camped in a sheltered valley outside a town called Jamnith. We ate bread and cheese by the fire and afterward Simon and I shared wine while the women went off to sleep. It was the first time I’d ever had a chance to talk to the Zealot without his friend Judas around.
    “I hope Joshua can bring the kingdom down on their heads now,” Simon said. “Otherwise I may have to look for another prophet to pledge my sword to.”
    I nearly choked on my wine, and handed him the wineskin as I fought for breath.
    “Simon,” I said, “do you believe he’s the Son of God?”
    “No.”
    “You don’t, and you’re still following