Light in the Shadows

silence.  The rumble of the engine seemed loud in the quiet.  I pulled up out front of the non-descript two story brick house with the sign reading “Blue Ridge Mental Health Services.” 
                  I jumped out of the car and went around to open Maggie’s door.  She looked up at the building that held Shaemus’ office.  And without saying a word, she reached out and took my hand.  Squeezing lightly, she walked with me to the front door.
                    We walked into the brightly lit waiting room.  His receptionist, Holly, sat at her desk, typing on her computer.  She looked up and smiled when she saw us.  “Hi, Clay.  Just have a seat.  Shaemus is running a few minutes late.”  Holly had to be in her mid-forties and at least seventy pounds overweight.  But she was nice enough.  I gave her a slight smile and led Maggie to a small couch in the corner.
                    “This is…nice,” Maggie offered, looking around at the worn furniture and off color walls. 
                    “Not what you were expecting?” I asked her.
                  She shook her head.  “No, I was picturing something more, clinical I guess.  You know hospital white walls and chairs that make your back ache.  More like an emergency room.  This is almost like being in someone’s house.”  Her observation was spot on.  In fact, there was even a small TV off to the side and fish tank by the window.  Sure the features were a little shabby, but it was anything but cold and impersonal. 
                    We hadn’t been there long when the door in front of us opened and a girl close to our age came out.  She was heroin addict skinny, with straggly blonde hair and shrunken eyes.  I knew Maggie was trying not to stare but I could practically hear the wheels turning in her head.  She was asking herself the standard questions.  I wonder what she’s doing here?  She looks like a drug addict.  Is she?  Or is she just crazy?
                    At this stage in the game, I had long since given up trying to figure out anyone else’s issues.  I had enough of my own.  The girl’s eyes stayed fixed to the floor as she shuffled out of the office, giving Holly a wave as the receptionist called out goodbye. 
                    Shaemus came over and I got to my feet.  Maggie seemed suddenly apprehensive and I was reminded that this was a lot for her to agree to.  Therapy is daunting even for those who do it regularly.  I should have prepared her more for what this would be like.  But I had forgotten to in the wake of our argument.  Yet another shitty thing to add to the growing list of shitty things I had done.
                    “Clay!  Hello!  This must be Maggie.”  Shaemus held out his hand for Maggie to shake.  She gave him a wan smile and Shaemus looked between the two of us with a jovial grin.  He really did look like someone’s balding uncle.  When you saw him for the first time, you didn’t see shrink .  I could imagine him playing bingo instead of dishing out therapy.
                    “Come on back.”  He waved us toward his office and I took Maggie’s hand again as we headed inside.  I watched Maggie take in her surroundings again before she sat down in one of the overstuffed armchairs in front of a walled up fireplace.  Shaemus didn’t have a desk, like Dr. Todd had.  There was a small work table off to the side, but he preferred to sit in the middle of the room with his clients.  He said that desks were too easy to hide behind and if he expected his clients to be open and forthcoming, then he should do the same.
                    “You are my last appointment of the day, so we’re in no rush.  We’re going to take all the time that we need.  Have a seat, Clay.  You make me nervous when you stand about like that,” Shaemus joked, waving his hands in the direction of another chair.  Maggie looked at my therapist in surprise, clearly taken aback by his candor.  It was true that Shaemus took some getting used to.  I was still adjusting to his personality.  But he hadn’t set off the bitch slap reflex yet, so I suppose we were doing pretty well.
                    I met Maggie’s eyes and gave her, what I hoped, was a reassuring smile.  Hers was wobbly, but genuine as she made herself comfortable.  Shameus took