Lost in You

on, illuminating the hallway. Shadows pass in front of my door, but they don’t stop. Maybe they were just checking to make sure I’m asleep.
    Call me soon. I’m at the church ;)
    I look down at my phone and re-read the words that she sent. Relief washes over me. She does want to see me and couldn’t wait, but does that mean she’s here to break-up? I won’t let her, I can’t. She makes me feel alive. She makes me feel things I’ve never felt and I want to explore those feelings with her.
    I have to sneak out. That is the only answer.
    I’m on my way.
    She’s worth getting in trouble for. That is what I tell myself. She’d do the same thing for me. I get up, not worrying about the noise. I pull up my blinds and slide my window open. Getting out is the easy part. I hoist myself up and onto the windowsill and jump. I look back, half expecting my bedroom light to be on. I slide my window shut, leaving just enough of a gap so I can open it later.
    I walk along the house, peering around the corner. I don’t see any movement. Nothing to alert me that someone is out there lurking around like me. I duck under the kitchen window and turn the corner, hurrying along the side of the house. My shoes squeak in the wet grass, likely leaving footprints marking my escape.
    When I get to the front, I look at the picture window. I notice there are candles burning in the living room. They’re red, casting an eerie glow. Never have I seen my mom burn a candle. I didn’t even know we owned any. I look harder, stepping closer. My mom is sitting on the floor, a book in her lap, probably her Bible.
    I turn away and run as fast as I can until I’m at the end of the street. I don’t know what I just witnessed, but I definitely don’t want to see it again. I slow down and jog the rest of the way to the church. I wonder if my mom will check on me. I sort of hope she does so that she’ll at least talk to me.
    When I get to the church, I run to the tree where we last sat. She’s not there. I hear the creak of metal against metal and realize someone, I hope her, is on the swings. I walk fast, trying not to be so eager until I see her. My stride is wide, covering as much ground as possible.
    She stands. I walk faster. Her arms are down at her sides, her face beaming. I don’t care how dark it is, I know she’s smiling. I’m in a dead sprint, scooping her up into my arms when I reach her.
    I bury my nose into the crook of her neck and inhale. I need to bottle her up so I never miss the way she smells when I’m not with her. Her arms wrap tightly around me as she giggles. I feel her lips, pressing tiny kisses against my neck. This is what I want. What I need. She’s answering my questions without me having to find the words to ask.
    I can’t wait any longer. I set her down and pull back so I can see her, take her in. She’s in jeans and a sweatshirt, looking nothing like the other girls in my school. My hands cup her face. She holds my wrists, anchoring us together.
    I lean in. She lifts her face, her eyes looking from mine to my lips. She steps closer, as if that was even possible. Her hand finds my hair, allowing mine to spread out, my fingers working into her hair. My heart beats faster. It’s in my throat. I swallow hard and wet my lips.
    “I want to kiss you so bad.”
    “I want that, too.”

CHAPTER 18
    Hadley
     
     
    I can’t stand it. I pull up on my tippy toes and press my lips to his. I know I shouldn’t. This is so wrong. I try to pull away, to stop myself, but he doesn’t allow it. He holds me to him, his hand cupping the back of my head firmly. His tongue traces my lip, I sigh, melting into his embrace.
    I’m an adult, I know better. But he doesn’t allow me to pull away. He holds me, pressing us together. Our lips dance against each other creating the rhythm only they can keep up with. My hands roam over his sweatshirt, sneaking under his shirt, fingertips brushing against his skin. He pauses. I’ve caught him off guard.
    Now is the time to stop. To pull away and put some space between us. We can’t act like this, like common teenagers making out in the park. I’m not that person. I can’t be and neither can he if he’s with me.
    “Ryan.” I’m breathless as I speak against his lips.
    “Do you want to go inside the church? I know how to get in.”
    I should tell him no. The words should flow easily from my mouth. My head should be shaking and my legs stepping away, but that is not the case.