Lost in You

I’m not with anyone anymore, so who cares how I’m standing. I shouldn’t care.
    I look down at Dylan. Her gray eyes stare back at me. They don’t hold pity, just kindness. “I need—“
    “Time,” she says, interrupting me. She’s right. She’s been right this entire time; I just didn’t want to listen. “Come on, we need to get to class.”
    She leads me out of the library, bypassing the chairs that haphazardly lie on the floor. I have no doubt I’ll be called down to the office today and punished, but that’s fine. Right now, I’ll take whatever someone wants to give me.
    Dylan doesn’t let go of my hand as we walk the halls. The attention feels nice. I won’t lie. Girls are smiling at her and guys are once again patting me on the back. It feels like I’d done something remarkable like save a life and suddenly everyone knows who I am. I’m not sure if I should feel good about this or not.
    We stop at our lockers. When she lets go of my hand I feel a loss, but not like when I was with Hadley, just… different.
    I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Guys that I’ve never spoken to are fist bumping, saying hi and nodding in my direction. When I sit down for lunch, three classmates sit down, too. I look around for Dylan, who is watching me. A smile breaks out on her face as she walks to the table.
    “What did you tell these guys?” I whisper to her as she sits down. She shrugs and starts unpacking her lunch. I poke her in the side, but all she does is smile.
    I’m included in conversations like we’ve always been friends. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to what these guys talk about. The guys invite me to a party this weekend and Dylan tells them that we’ll be there. I’m not so sure how I feel about that. I don’t know what the shift is. I haven’t changed. But maybe I should enjoy it and think about staying in school for the rest of the year.
     
    I walk into my mom’s office. Her eyes light up as she rushes around her desk to give me a hug. Her arms wrap tightly around my neck and she holds me, much like she did when I was a baby.
    “I’m so happy to see you. I miss you.” She steps back, leaving her hands on my shoulders and looks at me. I know she sees my new clothes and if she’s upset, she doesn’t show it. She looks behind her, probably checking to see if her boss is coming before leading me over to her desk. I know her boss is strict, but I have a feeling this is the only place I can see her without seeing my dad.
    “I miss you, too. Is everything okay at home?”
    “Things are fine, Ryan. You don’t need to worry about me.”
    “But I do.”
    She rests her hand on my cheek and smiles. “You’re such a good boy, you didn’t deserve what happened.” I have no reply for her because I don’t think anyone deserves to have that happen. It’s one thing to lose your girlfriend; it’s entirely another to have your dad turn violent on you.
    “I’m scared for you,” I say. Her lips tighten into a faint smile.
    “Listen to me. I can take care of myself. You don’t have to worry about your dad. The Rosses, they have my permission to let you stay at their house. You’ll be eighteen soon and can do anything you want.”
    “What about you?”
    She shakes her head. “He doesn’t touch me, I can promise you that.”
    “If he does, will you leave?”
    “Yes, Mr. Ross and I discussed that this week. You’re very lucky to have them. They love you, but not as much as me. I’m so sorry, Ryan. I should’ve been a better mother.”
    I’m not sure if I should believe her or not, but I do. I tried to be mad at her for the way she acted, but Mrs. Ross explained how when someone emotionally abuses you they take away all your self-esteem and that it took a lot for my mom to call Dylan that day.
    Her eyes glisten and I smile at her, hoping to keep her tears at bay. This is the most talkative I’ve ever seen my mom and I like it.
    “I’ll come by next week,” I say as I stand and give her a kiss. “I love you, Mom.”
    “Love you, too.”
    I wave as I walk out the door and head for home. Home… such a strange word for me now. When I pass the newsstand, the familiar blond hair mocks me. I know I shouldn’t stop, but I have no control over my feet. She’s there on the cover with him. The headline blurs. All I see is her on her tiptoes, kissing him.

CHAPTER 34
    Hadley
     
     
    Standing off to the side of the stage, I watch as Cole interacts with his fans. The