Lost in You

female contingent is in full force for this show and he loves every moment. For the most part the tour is going really well. Each show is sold out and we've added more dates. I think Ian was shocked when I didn’t refuse the additions. Truth is, I love being on tour. Being on stage gives me such exhilaration. I need it to feel satisfied. It keeps my mind off things.
    I didn’t want to come back here, to Jackson, but Ian insisted. I balked at doing this show, begging Ian to cancel, but when the show sold out within minutes, Ian wouldn’t budge. Alex is supposed to be here already and I’m starting to get nervous. Her plane landed over two hours ago and it doesn’t take that long to get from the airport to the venue. I didn’t have to ask her, she just knew I’d need her, especially since the day is tomorrow . I’ve tried not to think about how things ended with Ryan. In fact, I try not to think about him period. Out of sight, out of mind, right? It’s easier this way, better really.
    Ian surprises me when he drapes his arm across my shoulder. He’s been happier, too, since the tour started and I’m sure it’s because my issue no longer exists. I also think he’s over the moon about the display Cole and I have been putting on. Well, more of a display for me, not so much for Cole. Late night conversations with Cole lead me to believe he wants more. I wish I could say that I’m immune to Cole, but the truth is, I’m not. I never have been and it’s always been a fight. But I’m not in love with him. Not the way he wants me to be. I care for him and he’ll always be a part of my life, but that’s all I can be for him.
    Ian whistles – you know, that annoying loud thing people can do when they put their fingers in their mouth – right in my ear. I elbow him and he just smiles. This is the nice side of Ian. I know he wishes he could be like this more, but I stress him out. I cause him more work because of my inability to think straight. I made a vow when the tour started that I’d work hard and be America’s sweetheart.
    I’ve been waiting for that reporter to renege on his deal with Ian. Each day I scour the Internet looking for anything related to my time in Brookfield, even though I don’t want to remember the result.
    “You ready?”
    I nod. I’m always ready when I’m about to perform. Cole and I recorded some duets when we were dating, but never released them until now. That was part of the agreement. I would sing with Cole and Ian would make sure we had everything we needed on this tour. One thing I asked for was no Anal Anna and Ian agreed. It just means he lost interest and I’m okay with that.
    The fans chant my name. I close my eyes and savor the sweet sound of their voices. It’s moments like this where I can forget everything. Word spread fast that Cole and I are performing together, giving me this surreal feeling. It’s not that I don’t like performing with Cole; it’s just that the song means something different now. The fans though, they think we're together and believe we’re singing to each other. Ian pushes me lightly, getting me moving. He’s had to do this a few times. When I open my eyes, Cole is beckoning me out on stage with a wicked smile on his face. The crowd erupts. I look and see both of us on the jumbo screen. He looks like he’s in love and for a brief second I wish I could return the sentiment.
    When I reach him, he places his hand on my hip, pulling me closer. His lips graze my cheek, causing the crowd to go wild, only they don’t know that he’s whispering in my ear that he’s tired and really wants to go take a nap. I try not to laugh and the smile that spreads across my face entices the fans.
    I’m handed a microphone and our stagehands bring out two stools. Cole helps me onto one stool before sitting on his own. The band starts and we wait for our cue. Cole starts, his words, once having meaning, are now just words he sings to make the girls go crazy. They love him and they should. I haven’t looked at the crowd. I’m afraid. Not that I expect him to be here, but my heart is hoping he’s standing right up front, maybe holding a sign telling me how much he loves me and that tomorrow everything can be different, that he has forgiven me for being such a bitch.
    Only when I open my eyes, he’s not there. In fact, from the looks of it there aren’t that many guys in the first few rows. There isn’t a sign. There isn’t anyone trying to get my