Pictures of Lily

on.’
    I step to one side and he starts to walk past. ‘Don’t you want any help today?’ I blurt after him.
    He hesitates and turns around, registering the panic on my face.
    ‘Of course.’ He tries to sound enthusiastic. ‘Let’s do the koala check.’
    I follow him out of the door feeling very unsure of myself, chasing after him like a small child as he walks two paces in front of me.
    ‘I caught a taxi home on Saturday,’ I call when I can bear the silence no longer.
    ‘That’s good,’ he replies over his shoulder in a non-committal voice.
    ‘What time did you stay until?’ I prompt.
    ‘Not long. I thought I’d better get home and phone Charlotte.’
    There. He’s said it. He’s said her name. He’s pushing me out and bringing her in. And I feel like he’s knifed me through the heart.
    Just then, Ben comes to an abrupt halt and puts his hand out to hold me back, saying, ‘Watch out – here’s a bilby.’ A small animal hops out from the undergrowth. It looks a little like a mini-kangaroo crossed with a rat, with big ears and a long snout. I’m still in shock from the mention of The Name as we stand and watch the fluffy grey creature sniff at the paving stones.
    A memory comes back to me of the night I turned up at his house with Olivia. He’d been on the phone. It must have been to her .
    ‘When do you leave?’ I ask solemnly, focusing my gaze on the bilby and trying not to think about the warmth of his body heat right beside me.
    ‘Week after next.’ I can barely hear him.
    ‘Where will you work?’
    He clears his throat and turns up the volume. ‘London Zoo.’
    ‘I can’t imagine you working in a zoo.’
    ‘Why not?’
    ‘It doesn’t seem, I don’t know – real enough for you.’
    ‘I worked at Sydney Zoo before coming here. It’ll be a nice change.’
    The bilby hops off into the undergrowth again, and Ben continues to walk along the winding asphalt footpath.
    I take a deep breath and hurry after him. ‘How did you meet her?’
    He shrugs. ‘She was travelling in Australia. She worked in the café here for a while.’
    ‘How long is a while?’
    ‘About three months.’
    And she got his attention, just like that. I bet she’s beautiful.
    ‘Is your mum going over for the wedding?’ I will the pain to dull.
    He snorts and glances at me. ‘What do you think?’
    ‘Silly question. Dave?’
    ‘Dave’s coming,’ he confirms with a curt nod. ‘And Katherine, his wife.’
    ‘When are you getting married?’
    ‘March.’
    ‘March? That’s so soon!’ I exclaim, feeling a little breathless now.
    He looks at me sharply. ‘Why do you think it’s too soon?’
    ‘You will have only just got there.’ I’m reeling. I didn’t think it was so . . . I don’t know, definite. ‘What if you don’t like England? Don’t you want to give yourself time to settle in?’
    His footsteps seem to slow a little. ‘I thought it would be fine.’
    Thought? Strange wording. ‘I didn’t feel like I was rushing it when we decided,’ he clarifies.
    ‘And you feel like you’re rushing it now?’
    ‘That’s not what I said.’ But it’s what you meant . His pace quickens once more. ‘Anyway, it’s all sorted now. Dave and Katherine have got their tickets booked.’
    ‘Dave and Katherine can change their flights,’ I say seriously.
    ‘It’ll be fine,’ he insists, nodding towards the koala lofts we’re approaching. ‘I’ll go and get started. Can you fetch the pad from the office?’
    And that’s the end of the discussion.
    That night, Josh and I decide to go out for a bite to eat in Hahndorf. He’d come home and demanded to know what there was for dinner because Michael and my mum had gone out, and I’d grunted at him: ‘I don’t know, I’m not your mother.’ Needless to say, I felt shit enough to want to make up for it.
    It’s a cooler evening than usual for this time of the year so we decide to sit inside at the Hahndorf Inn. Josh taps his tanned fingers on the table impatiently as I peruse the lengthy menu at leisure. Finally he slaps some money down in front of me.
    ‘I’m going to the loo. Get me the chicken schnitzel, would you?’
    We’re sitting in the bar area because it has more atmosphere than the restaurant, but it has no waitress service, so once decided, I head up to place our order. Josh didn’t specify a drink, so I opt for two lemon squashes because I refuse to deal with the drinking and driving issue tonight.
    I’ve handed over the