Sweet Revenge: 200 Delicious Ways to Get Your Own Back

dormitory. Rule one: all shoes had to be cleaned and put at the end of our beds each morning for inspection; then, after dressing, we were marched to breakfast. In no circumstances must anyone be late for meals. Therefore, my friends and I systematically hid vital bits of uniform and shoes so our bully was regularly late for breakfast, frequently improperly dressed! (Rule two: all girls must wear full uniform at all times other than recreation times.)
    Rule three: all homework must be presented on time each morning. Miss X suddenly had trouble locating the homework she had done the previous evening and, therefore, was unable to present it in class - Big Trouble!!
    There were several other "magic moments" when we got the better of her. While all this was going on, it distracted her attention and our little friend had time to settle in and adjust to boarding school. To our delight, Miss X was moved to another dormitory the next term where she was to become the subject of some "shall we say, gentle persuasion"!'
    - with thanks to Diane Keen, actress.
     

     
    A couple of decades ago a pupil at Westminster School had had enough of a rather unpleasant bully - a monitor who prided himself on the tidiness and immaculate state of his study. He would strut around ticking off those whose studies were in a mess and set all manner of unsavoury jobs as punishment. Peter decided to get his own back.
    He asked matron for some bread to feed the birds in St James' Park. Matron handed the bread over with an indulgent smile: 'How sweet,' she thought. Peter took his duffle bag and sat on a park bench. The OAPs on either side were evidently as charmed as Matron by this selfless act and he received many smiles of encouragement. The pigeons came closer and closer, strutting and cooing as they fluttered over the bread, and finally actually settled on Peter's arms and hands. Then came the difficult part: catching one without being seen and with minimum noise and loss of feathers. The first was no problem, the second a little more of a struggle.
    Back to school he went, straight to the monitor's study where all windows were carefully closed. Bread was scattered liberally, the birds released and the door closed. The devastation after a couple of hours was a sight to behold.
    - with apologies to the RSPB.
     

     
    A young lad built up quite a resentment towards a housemaster at school who, he believed, picked on him at every opportunity. The housemaster was due to go away for a few days and asked the boy to feed his dog during his absence to which the boy kindly agreed.
    The boy looked after the dog well and, on the night before the master was due back, gave him some chocolate as an extra-special treat. Only it wasn't ordinary chocolate. It was Ex-lax...
     

An Englishman's Home...
     

     
    '…if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?'       
    William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice
     

An Englishman's Home...
     
    Fiorella is a beautiful literary agent who was going out with a very promiscuous and big headed racing driver. She could see that the writing was on the wall and, believing that you should never go out without taking a bow, decided to leave him a souvenir of their time together. She spent a whole afternoon cutting up bits of paper with the words 'I love you' written on each one. She put them all over the apartment: in his pockets, in the salt and pepper mills, the bag of flour, in pillow and cushion covers, between the pages of books - there was no end to her creativity.
    He was still finding them a year later; he actually phoned her to tell her she had just blown it for him yet again when his current girlfriend found one of her billets-doux.
     

     
    A couple of plumbers got their own back on the obnoxious home-owners for whom they were working. They plumbed the radiators into the hot-water system, rather than the heating system, which meant the rads were permanently hot... perfectly acceptable until the summer came.
     

     
    A man returned home from work and was somewhat surprised to find that his house was not quite the colour it had been when he left that morning. He had recently dropped his girlfriend and returned to his former love - who happened to be his ex's sister. The jilted sibling had caused £3,149-worth of damage by painting the carpets, furniture and the walls in blue gloss paint; she wrote: 'You will wish you had never messed with me' on the walls; and glued his CD's to their boxes.
    The magistrate