Sweet Revenge: 200 Delicious Ways to Get Your Own Back

All of this and more drove her friend to distraction so she decided to take action, to rub some of the sheen off the glossy reputation.
    Miss Wonderful was having a dinner party (perfection of course) for twenty people when her friend struck. As is often the way, she allowed the ladies to use her bathroom and so, quite soon after her arrival, her best friend needed to 'go'. When she got to the bathroom she withdrew a small pot of Marmite from her bag, found a pair of Miss Wonderful's knickers in the laundry basket and proceeded to spread the Marmite liberally. She left the horrendous looking result hanging half out of the laundry basket before returning to the party. During the course of the evening most of the female guests needed to 'freshen up'. What can they have thought?
     

     
    A woman well known in the gossip columns became increasingly fed up with her husband. While he was asleep in a drunken stupor she covered him in hair remover. He got up the next morning, had a shower, and all his hair fell off.
    - with thanks to Daily Express diarist Ross Benson.
     

     
    A new bride was upset when her husband was asked to go shooting in Wales and she was not included in the invitation. His schedule that day was horrific so he asked her if she would pack for him and he would pick up the bag after work and head off west.
    On his arrival he was shown to his room and, to his horror, found that the bag contained not shooting gear but white trousers, tennis shoes, a life jacket, thigh-high waders, a Panama hat and his morning suit.

     

     
    An aristocratic female carefully loosened all the stitching in her husband's suits and shirts. By the time he reached the office he was looking dishevelled. Mid morning, during a meeting, a seam popped lazily open. By lunchtime he was a complete laughing stock and had to go home and change - only to find that she had changed the locks.
     

Cash Crises
     

     
    'Living well is the best revenge.'
    proverb by George Herbert, 1639, and much favoured by writer and bon viveur Charles Benson
     

Cash Crises
     
    A woman had been through a fairly unpleasant divorce from her wealthy husband. While they were together they had built up an important collection of china. One particularly fine set comprised twenty-five pieces, of which she had bought eight over the years and he had bought seventeen. He badly wanted them all and he pestered her over and over to let him have them. She simply couldn't decide whether to sell them to him or not.
    Tired of the relentless barrage, she eventually summoned an antiques expert. If they were genuine, he told her, they would be worth £2,000 each but, since they were not, they might fetch around £100 each if she were lucky. The decision was easy: she kept absolutely quiet about their being fake and sold her husband the lot for £16,000.
     

     
    Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank Plc Are Fascist Bastards after being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft. The bank has now asked him to close his account and Mr Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque - made out in full in his new name.
     

     
    A good few years ago a friend of Dorien Manville-Hales became thoroughly fed up with the barrage of letters he received from a high street bank requesting that his £10 or £20 overdraft be settled or his cheques would be bounced. Since he had a fairly good pedigree and his family was clearly not short of money, he was sincerely irked by the pettiness of the bank and its letters. Muttering things about his mother's jewellery, safety and insurance he asked the bank whether he could open a safety deposit box, which was duly granted.
    Some time later he walked into the bank and asked to take his box out. He went through all the barriers, procedures and checks, took his box into the windowless room and was left to his own devices. Finally he declared himself finished and the box was put back. Several days later all the people with access to the strong room began to complain about the smell. Shortly afterwards, clients too started to complain: it became worse and worse and really became intolerable. Bank officials investigated the smell and narrowed it down to twelve boxes which, in the circumstances, had to be opened.
    Written authority had to be sought from box owners who could be contacted, and the procedure for opening a box without the owner present was a complicated business involving Notaries public and a main