Sweet Revenge: 200 Delicious Ways to Get Your Own Back

all so romantic that anything could be forgiven.
    The hostess, however, wanted to make a point about the teeth to encourage him to find an alternative site another time. On his final night she made sure that he received their finest hospitality which included copious amounts of alcohol. When he was in bed and well and truly comatose she tiptoed into the bathroom and removed the teeth. Once back in her room she dried them off, took out her bright red nail polish and painted the two front teeth bright red. Once dry she returned them to the contentious mug.
    He felt fairly ill in the morning and paid less attention than he should to matters of packing and toilet. He did notice the funny looks he received on the four-hour journey to Nairobi, at check-in and on the aeroplane but it was some time later when he actually went to the loo and caught sight of himself in the mirror.
     

     
    Two old friends had a major falling out which was sad since they both lived and worked near each other. One had an office in Regent Street, the other ran a major gentleman's clothing store nearby.
    Walking back to the office after a good lunch in a fish restaurant one day the businessman developed a severe stomach upset which became more and more critical by the second. Accidents will happen - and did. He rushed, tight-buttocked, into his friend's store to buy a clean pair

     
    of trousers. He was served by the owner himself, who was barely able to disguise his glee at his friend's discomfort and took his time as he wrapped the goods and handed over the carrier bag.
    Grabbing the bag our friend limped towards a taxi and ordered it to take him to Liverpool Street Station where he would catch his train home and recover his health in peace. Hardly daring to breathe, he prayed the train would get going quickly. Once it was on the move, he raced to the lavatory. As the train bore him westwards he ripped off his soiled trousers and threw them out of the window. Opening the bag he withdrew his new purchase, only to find that his friend had wrapped him a nice, blue pullover.
     

     
    A well-known actress understandably asked to remain nameless when relating the revenge she wrought on her lover who had deceived her. Before she walked out she left behind a little souvenir. She tipped black dye in the bottom of his washing machine. His next load was whites only - at least they were before the wash.
     

     
    PamellaBordes, spurned lover of ex-Sunday Times newspaper editor Andrew Neil, is probably the most famous suit slasher - it was widely reported that she exacted her revenge by cutting the crotch out of each and every one of them.
     

     
    A dollop of fake tan in a woman's moisturiser can wreak havoc, as discovered by Catherine Small. As the morning progressed people in her office looked at her more and more strangely. It was only when she went to the loo and saw her streaky orange-brown face that she identified

     
    the strange smell that had dogged her all day. Her boyfriend had been increasingly irritated by how much time she spent in front of the mirror and had decided to strike back.
     

     
    The woman who drenched her erring husband's suits in very nasty cheap perfume had the satisfaction of knowing that they still reeked even after four dry-cleanings... and he had to wear one of them to work while the others were being cleaned.
     

     
    Wimmin's Revenge. There were red shoulders and red faces last May during a scorching London heatwave. On a building site at the corner of Wardour Street and Old Compton Street (aka 'Queer Street'), passing women were greatly amused to see a group of heavily pierced and peroxided young men looking up at the bare-chested builders and in a chorus of cat calls and wolf whistles crying out: 'Hello Boys!' and 'Mmmm, nice buns!'
     

     
    Perfection can sometimes bring out the absolute worst in people. There was a super-tidy, super-clean lady whose obsessive behaviour inspired her best friend to new heights of school-foolish antics.
    Everything in the super-lady's house was immaculate. White was the predominant colour: on sofas, chairs and walls. Everything was arranged just so. Her clothes were perfect, the slightest crease precipitating a change of garment; her hair was always beautifully groomed; she was exactly on time; she never ate or drank too much and bags under the eyes were something she only ever read

    about. She was the perfect hostess and dust on the bookshelves just didn't exist in her world.