Coda 02 -A to Z

time, he even let me help him move, instead of Matt. He took the second bedroom as his own, and I knew without asking that I was not allowed in. I didn’t mind. Several nights a week, he even chose to go to sleep there, rather than with me. But somehow, by morning, he always found his way to my bed. I couldn’t have been happier.
    I could tell, though, that something was bothering him. I asked a few times, and he always shrugged me off. I knew better than to push him. It didn’t seem to be about me, and so I waited for him to be ready to tell me.
    I didn’t have to wait long. It all became clear the day I came home from work to find him sitting on the couch, waiting for me. He looked scared to death, but he didn’t hesitate. He looked right at me and said, “I need my mom’s number.”

…Angelo
    E VEN after talkin’ to Matt, it took me a few weeks to make the decision. But I finally decide to do it, and as soon as Zach gets home from work, I ask him for the number. His jaw ’bout hits the floor. I know he thinks it’s outta the blue. Probably seems that way to him. But not to me. Feel like I haven’t stopped thinkin’ ’bout it since that day she knocked on my door back in Denver.
    I wasn’t ready back then. It was all so sudden. Caught me completely off guard. And somehow I thought talkin’ to her had to mean I forgave her too. That bothered me. Right or wrong, I’m not ready to forgive her just yet.
    I realize, though, after talkin’ to Matt, it’s not like that at all. Just ’cause I call, doesn’t mean I let it all go. It only means that maybe someday I will.
    Zach goes to his desk and pulls out the envelope. “Are you going to call her?” he asks as he hands it to me.
    “Why the hell else would I ask for it?” I snap. Know he doesn’t deserve it, but the whole thing has me tied in knots. He understands, though. ’Course he does. He just looks at me, searchin’, like he might be able to understand what’s goin’ through my head if he looks hard enough. Want to tell him not to waste his time. I don’t even understand it, and it’s my head. No way anyone could expect him to sort it out.
    “Do you want me to stay?” he asks. I’m glad, too, ’cause I was worried he’d be upset when I asked him to leave.

    “No. Need to be alone.”

    “Anything you want, angel.” He kisses me on the forehead. “I’ll go to the store. We’re out of coffee anyway.”
    He leaves, and I sit there for a long time, just starin’ at that stupid fuckin’ number in my hand. Just the thought of callin’ makes me a mess. Have to sit with my head down, between my knees, and concentrate on breathin’ for a long time.
    Finally get myself together enough to pick up the phone. Can’t believe how fuckin’ nervous I am dialin’ the number. Twice I get halfway through and hang up. The third time it starts to ring and I’m ’bout to hang up again when she answers.
    “Hello?”
    I was so worried ’bout just makin’ the call, never really thought out what I was gonna say once she answered. I almost say, “Mom?” Almost. But turns out I can’t make that word come out of my mouth, any more than I can tell Zach I love him. Can’t call her by her name, either. For a second I just sit there, sayin’ nothin’ at all.
    “Hello?” she says again.
A heartbeat, and then I manage to say, “It’s Angelo.”
    Now it’s her turn to not know what to say. I hear her gasp in surprise and then “Angelo? Is it really you?”

    Seems like a stupid question. Don’t know who the fuck else would call, claimin’ to be me, but I say, “Yeah, it’s really me.”
    “Oh, Angelo,” she says, and then she bursts into tears. She just cries for a few seconds, and I wait. But then she takes a couple of deep breaths and says, “I’m so glad you called! I want you to know that I’m sorry about that day at your apartment. That wasn’t the way I wanted it to go.”
    “Didn’t figure it was.”
“I’ve been thinking about you.”
“Don’t know why now, after all these years.”
    “Angelo, I never stopped thinking about you. I understand if you don’t believe me, but I swear that it’s the truth. I’ve thought about you every single day of my life since I left you.” There’s another pause, like she has to get her nerve up, but then she goes on. Her voice is real quiet now. “You don’t have children, so you don’t know what it’s like when they’re little, and they call for you in the night. After