Coda 02 -A to Z

think ’bout that first, okay?”
    “Okay.” But she sounds happier now. “Angelo, I want so much for us to try to be a family again. I know it’s a lot to ask after all this time. But anything you’re willing to give me, I’ll take it.”
    “Not sure how much I can deal with right now.”
“I understand.”
    “I’m not very good at this kinda thing. Zach could tell you.” I stop short. Not really sure why I said that.
    “You’re doing great, Angelo.”
“Don’t really know what to call you.”
    She’s quiet again, then says in a real sad voice, “You can’t call me ‘Mom’?”

    “No.” I know it hurts her when I say it but nothin’ I can do ’bout that.
    “You can call me Nita.”
“That seems wrong too.”
“I’m not sure, then,” she says uncertainly.
“I’m not, either.”
    “Whatever you’re comfortable with, Angelo. You don’t have to decide right now.”

    “Guess not.” And for some reason, at that moment, I want to give her somethin’ . Can’t really explain it, but I do.
    “Maybe I can call on Christmas,” I say. It comes out pretty quiet. I think maybe she won’t hear it at all. Almost hope she doesn’t. But she does.
    “That would be wonderful!” she says, and she’s cryin’ again, even harder than before, but I can hear that she’s smilin’ too. I can hear in her voice how happy I’ve made her. I’m not sure how that makes me feel. Happy or relieved. Or angry and resentful. So many emotions I can’t possibly sort through them all. It feels like more than I can handle. I feel like I’m drownin’. I need somethin’ to hang onto. Anything .
    No. Not just anything. I need Zach.
    Suddenly more than anything, I want him here. I want to call him on his cell and tell him to come home. ’Cause even though he said he was just goin’ out for coffee, I know he’ll want to give me time and space. Probably wander ’round the grocery store all fuckin’ night if I let him. Makes me smile a little, thinkin’ ’bout it.
    “I gotta go,” I say.

    “Okay.” I can tell she’s a little disappointed, but just like Zach, she’s tryin’ not to let it show. “I’m so glad you called, Angelo.”
    And I don’t even have to lie when I say, “Me too.” “Goodbye.”
“Bye.”
    I’m just about to hang up when she says, “Angelo, wait! Are you still there?”

    “I’m here.”
    “Angelo, I….” She stops, and I know what’s comin’. And more important than that, I realize I wouldn’t stop her from sayin’ it, even if I could. “I love you.”
    All I can say is, “I know.”

Zach…
    A NGELO called me sooner than I expected and told me I could come home. I could tell by his voice that the phone call must have gone okay. When I got there, he was laying on the couch, with Geisha on his chest. She bolted, of course, the minute I came near. He moved his legs enough for me to sit down, and then stretched them out again across my lap.
    “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

    He thought about it for a second, then said, “Maybe tomorrow.”

    “Okay.”
    He started watching whatever was on the TV. I wasn’t paying attention. I was looking at his bare feet and the little bit of ankle I could see before the hem of his jeans blocked my view. It still amazed me sometimes how every single inch of him turned me on.
    “Ever noticed how in movies and TV shows, everybody’s always carryin’ ’round empty coffee cups?” he asked suddenly, his voice full of amusement.
    “No.” I let my fingers brush over the tops of his feet, then up to his ankles.
    “Drives me crazy. So fuckin’ stupid. Like you can’t tell watchin’ ’em that the cup’s empty. They’re wavin’ ’em all over the place instead of holdin’ ’em careful, like you do in real life.”
    “Uh-huh.” My fingers moved farther up his ankle, then around to the smooth, soft skin of his calf.
    “You’re not even listenin’ to me,” he said, but he was smiling at me. I could see in his eyes that he was starting to respond to my touch.
    “I am listening.” My fingers were behind his knee now, and his eyes drifted closed. Thank goodness his jeans were so baggy. “I’m just distracted.”
    “You’re distractin’ me too,” he said, and I laughed. “Good.”
    I moved up then, took his hand, and kissed his palm, then his wrist, then the soft skin on the inside of his elbow. He always thought it was funny, the places I kissed, but I could never get enough of his smooth, dark